If any of you are wondering a typical conversation I have with myself, well today is your lucky day. A few weeks ago I had the following conversation in my head....
"I should really blog soon. I should blog about Utah! That is a good idea, Nicole. Start it tonight!"
Later on....
Okay go on, blooogg already! But I don't want to blog about Utah. I want to blog about how crappy my life is. Nicole, your life is sooo not crappy. All these great things have happened to you just today! Like whaatt?? Weeelll you got to tan. I didn't tan. I only burned on two awkward part of my legs. Whaaatt is up with that?? There Heather is, over there, beezing a bronze goddess and all you have to show for three hours in the sun is NOTHING but those embarrassing marks on your legs. You are a failure. No, no, Nicole you are so not! You are so cute! Bemember how that guy was totally hitting on you at the pool? That's something! Hmmjes, but I basically ran away from him and then went and got karma-ed up in the form of a bad tan sunburn :( Buuuuttt, but! your sunburn will turn INto a tan! Oh wonderful. I will have two abnormally dark mark on my legs. I'm sure I will make so many friends. Oh shut up you are being so whiny.
Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what outside, but what is inside that counts. This is no ordinary lamp. It once changed the course of a young man's life. A young man, who, like this lamp, was more than what he seemed.
A diamond in the rough.
And now another one....
And of course we cannot forget Susan Boyle....
And this one just makes me cry my eyes out so I had to put it in here....
I LOVE these performances. They are amazing, fantastic, mind-boggling. The talent these people have is astounding. But what really strikes me about these clips is how humble these people are. They have clearly been through the mill when it comes to life. Jonathan was made fun of- all of his life he was made fun of. Sung-bong Choi was dumped at an orphanage at age three and beaten until he finally ran away. Susan Boyle was underestimated and belittled. Why? Why do people think they have the right to be mean?
As I watched these clips I just about bawled my eyes out. It is so easy to judge by appearances. I do it, you do it. The first thing I look for is if someone has a uni-brow. There is no stopping it, but you don't need to let that be the only thing you base your opinion on.
That boy Jonathan is so shy and nervous and timid. He is soo low on his confidence level it's a little bit unbelievable. That might be stage fright, but I think it's also, as he himself says, a result of the mistreatment he went through since elementary school. Why in the world were those kids so mean to him? Because he looked a little different? Because he wasn't awesome at basketball or whatever they call it over there? I'm so glad he has Charlotte. She is so kind and supportive of him. I hope all of those kids who were mean to him feel really crummy right now.
With Sung-bong Choi he was abandoned. Now, I don't know his family's circumstance but it is so sad that a child at age three was left at an orphanage. By that time he had gotten to know his family a little bit, and he probably loved them too. My lil guy was just barely two when I came back to school and already he was talking and everything! I can only imagine how traumatizing that abandonment must've been for poor little Sung-bong Choi, but then it got even worse because the people at the orphanage would beat him! How in the world did those people get hired?! I want them all fired and in jail right now. Anyone who is cruel to children have no excuses and they deserve every bad thing society can throw at them.
I do not know if Susan Boyle was ever hurt by mean words before, but everyone was so scoffing an skeptical at the beginning of the video. Hmph. So glad she proved them wrong.
I know that if people judged by appearances alone I wouldn't have nearly as many friends as I do now. This isn't a stab at my appearance, it's more of an acknowledgment of the attractive level of my friends. I have really pretty/handsome friends, guys. Once upon a time two groups of my friends met, and a boy who I wasn't really friends with implied that I only want them all to meet so they could see how pretty my friends were, thinking that I was superficial B who bases her friendship on looks.
I have a theory of why my friends are so pretty/handsome- they are this way bc they are so nice. I firmly believe that people who are kind are beautiful, and they stay beautiful. Whenever I am being snobby, or flat-out mean I can see it happen- I get ugly. It's true. In contrast, whenever I am trying especially hard to be nice I always get compliments and make new friends. I'm telling you- the best beauty trick is being kind.
And I think that that is why I love these videos so much. These performers are just so beautiful to me bc of their kind hearts and boldness. They've had such a bad time of it, but they still managed to remember that they have a fabulous gift and they went and they shared it and they got all these people to root for them. Their stories have hopefully done a lot of good and I know for a fact that I am not the only one who cried while watching them step out of their shells. Holy chicago I love underdogs.
I love shows like this, bc once you sift through all the egos and advertising and ordinary you get to this stuff, the amazing stuff. You hear stories that break your heart, and see performances that you feel from your toes to your head. You get to be a part of a stunned audience of millions that sees someone who has not yet been so beaten that they can't try one more time, even though by all accounts a lesser person would be. I am so incredibly grateful that they had the courage to share their gifts.
They are wonderful.
They are fabulous!
They are, the very definitions of diamonds in the rough.
I have all these goals, and I guess I just forget them until something forces me to remember them. Today I was sitting in the BYU-I Center (fondly known as the BUICK) and I heard the most beautiful music. Ever! It was soo pretty and it reminded me of something, and that something is this-
Listen to it all. It is the most wonderful thing in the world.
I heard it first when I went to Disney World when I was in 5th grade, so a long time ago. We bought the CD and I fell in love. I had the whole thing memorized in a manner of days thanks to my obnoxious habit of listening to one song over and over again. Hmm.
Ever since then I have wanted with all my heart to play in a good band/orchestra. In high school I like to think we were pretty cool, and all the judges from the competitions agreed, but I don't want to just play in a band. I want to play a song that will inspire people! I want to play a song that is not all just runs for the flutes, but has all these exciting rhythms and changes of time and pace and keys and CRESCENDOS. Guys, I want to play this song.
I am not an awesome flute player, but I am really dedicated, and I guarantee that if I was given the opportunity to play in an orchestra that was playing this song I would drop everything else and practice for hours and hours till I got it right. I have no problem spending my time on something like this. I get very one-track-minded when it comes to things that I very much want.
It's music like this that just gets me so pumped. It reminds me of all the good I want to do and helps me to see the glass half full. Or whatever the optimist side of that is.
It reminds me of all my goals, like living in Africa. Or becoming a phlebotomist. Or learning Farsi. Or becoming an X-ray technician! Or working at the very place that made all of this happen- Disney World.
So this past weekend I went and visited my two older sisters Kelly and Heather, in Provo, and it was SO. MUCH. FUN. I love my sisters more than anything in the world. Gina counts. This is us when I visited the first time....
Clearly my face is not Heather's top priority. Whatevs.
Anddd some of all my sisters at our pink photoshoot....
Jes, we areee dysfunctional to the highest degree.
Ahhh....Julie in her awkward stage. She is so cute :) But don't worry- she's the prettiest of us all now.
Sometimes I just want to tell her to shut up. Shut up, Julie!
Okay anyway. So there is something that happened to me while I was in Utah, and it is something that I am not necessarily proud of. Yes, that's right. I NCMO-ed. Here is Heather's version of the story....
4. Three-year-old fans. Cosmo the Cougar is probably the same hotness as the volleyball team. Nicole was overcome when she saw him. She screamed about how she needed a picture with him and ran over, smile and camera ready. The people gathered around Cosmo saw her coming - at least, the lucky ones did. They saw the passion in her eyes. They knew they needed to evacuate. I didn't get a picture, but one of them looked kind of like this little girl:
She was one of the lucky ones. The rest were pushed unceremoniously out of the way as Nicole elbowed her way to Cosmo as if it was Black Friday and he was a $129.99 flat-screen TV. Cosmo turned to Nicole. It was a magical moment when their eyes met. Cosmo dropped to the ground and said:
"Hey."
Nicole couldn't respond. Cosmo stood up and gave her a hug. I got the camera ready and looked up just in time to see Cosmo kissing my sister. Verrrrry passionately. !!!!! Welcome to Utah, Nicole :)
So there you have it. Who'da thunk my first NCMO would be with someone famous and in so public a place?
Oh PS- the title is something Heather said as we were leaving her apartment one day. She has the prettiest view and I commented on it and she was like, "Oh thanks. Every morning I feel like a cheap prostitute leaving a Motel 6." Whelp.
I mean, I guess it's okay for you to come into the Hinckley Chapel, look around for a pew next to an outlet, see that they are all taken, and then, after some whispered debate, choose the pew that is right in front of me and then sit there making out and whispering sweet nothings in each others ears.
Dear inconsiderate,
IT IS NOT OKAY! There is a whole pew and you decide to sit riiiighhhtt in front of me?! I tried my very hardest to block out every word that I could, but let's be honest, I am mayyybe two feet away.
Dear Tom and Tara,
I knoww that you guys would NEVER do such a thing.
Dear new favorite songs,
I have listened to you basically constantly for the last 12ish hours.
I can even sing it! The high part. Merrin and I tried today and I was so stinkin proud of myself!
and
Dear Despicable Me 2 and The Lorax,
I am sooo excited to see you!
Dear Awkward,
Yeahhh....I am so sorry :( I didn't want that to happen.
Dear weather,
Let's keep this no-wind thing up! Tomorrow is devo and I knoww that that is the day when you are at your worst, but there is no time like the present to change!
PS- If you want to snow, that would be okay, just don't wind, please.
Dear Facebook,
I just can't handle using you right now. I'm taking a break. Prolly until Friday.
Dear self esteem,
You have so many dips and height blasts. Its been a weird week?
Dear NIH,
Pleaseee get back to me!
Dear Spring Semester 2012,
If I am here for you, it's going to be a clean-up semester. Let's fix that GPA, yeah?
Dear Gina,
I am sooo proud of our communication skills this week! Let''s skype again soon :) And I am so glad you follow my blog!
Sometimes travelling can be intimidating. Should I or shouldn't I? Where shall I go? Will I be safe? How do I make sure I come back with everything I left with and everything I've picked up in my travels? Do I havee to wear a money-belt? What if I don't know the language? What if I get lost? How can I reassure my family that I will be alright? How do I reassure myself?
I'm definitely not the impulsive type, I have found. I like to think things through and be prepared and load up my brain with directions and explore the what-ifs before I so much as go to the grocery store.
Perhaps travel isn't ideal for my type of personality, but I very much feel the need to travel. I really want to go live in a foreign land for like, 4-6 months. I am extremely worried that I will get married and then be all newly-wedded-ly poor and not be able to travel. And then when we have some financial stability, we'll have children and then I would miss my chance to travel, because then I would be uprooting a family, not just myself.
The clock is ticking! If I want to do something, I need to do it now. I only have a few years left to be adventurous and just pick up and leave whenever I want.
I am a firm believer in taking advantage of the college-only programs that are out there. I want to be able to experience all that those programs have to offer before I finish my education. Does this mean that my education will be delayed? Maybe on paper, but I truly believe in learning through experience. I learned so much more as a summer intern at NIH than I ever have learned in any science class. Nothing else has even come close. I want to have another job like that- one that will affect my life and steer me in the direction I need to go.
And that is why I need to travel. A lot of my future plans involve helping people in other countries, and I need to know if I can handle that. I want to go to Africa. I need to go to Africa. I kind-of forgot that for a bit, but now it's back and I am just so out the wazoo excited. I need to stop looking for reasons to not go and just go. I will not regret going, that much I know. But I will, forever, regret passing this opportunity up.
But turning in applications fills me with such a heavy feeling. That's always the hardest part for me- the decision. After that I stick with it and I am fine. So I am making a decision right now.
Sometime within the next two years I will be out of this country.
I will be going somewhere and I will be happy about it. I will learn and possibly get a tan and be very, very happy. My eyes will be opened to the world. I will understand other countries and their cultures and reasons much better. It will be one of the best experiences of my life.
But the best part is, maybe it won't be. Maybe my life will be so good that this experience will just be like another day for me. Maybe I will actually accomplish my goals. Maybe I willll get to have my cake and eat it too. Maybe I will be able to work in the government and also administer medicine in Africa anddd be a Game Warden in Kenya. Maybe, who knows? Maybe I actually cann have it all.
