Ever, Ever After

Tonight I watched Carrie Underwood's "Ever Ever After" music video for the umpteenth time. As I sat and watched Carrie spreading joy throughout New York City and finding true love in the end, I realized that this song is my favorite for a reason. And that reason is because it combines every single thing that I believe about love into three minutes, twenty-seven seconds. I realized that I, too have been dreaming of a true love's kiss, and so is everyone else.

As you read, I would encourage you to listen to the song that inspired this post. Just click on the "Ever Ever After" above.

This post is about love, because I believe in it, and I believe that you do, too.

"Though the world might tell you it's not smart...."

So many people tell me that I'm naive or even stupid to believe that one day I will find my Prince Charming. Let me just address that. I am neither naive nor stupid. I think that those who don't believe in true love and dismiss it as a childhood fantasy and nothing more are cheating themselves of a wonderful, beautiful thing. I know true love exists. I've seen it happen. It is amazing, and very much real.

"Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe"

It makes me so sad when someone tries to tell me that true love is a process, something with steps and something that can be strictly controlled.

It is a process, but love is not tangible nor is it controllable. You can't buy it, you can't bottle it, but you can feel it. Sometimes, if you just let yourself believe that something is possible, it is. I know because that is how I learned half the math I know today.

Those who talk about the steps that love involves need to realize that wherever steps are, there is also the possibility of falling down them. You'll fall in love, and if you listen to yourself enough you may even realize it, and then how lucky and happy you'll be :)

"Start a new fashion, wear your heart on your sleeve"

But like any good thing, love takes work. The emotion may be effortless, but you have to help everything else along.

Has anyone ever read Pride and Prejudice? Best book ever. In it, Jane and Mr Bingley both adore each other, but they were separated for a long, painful time because neither was willing to actually put to words their undeniable feelings. And that is the problem that all the skeptics talk about.

When someone says that love isn't real, it's because they think that love should be something blaringly obvious. Not so. Love is about the small things as much as it is about the large. You have to make that other person's happiness a priority, because your own depends on it. Sometimes this involves wearing your heart completely on your sleeve, complete with loud proclamations of your attachment. At very special times, this involves rings and vows. But quietly or loud as a bull horn, love is.

"Let your heart believe in ever ever after"

Some people put on this tough exterior and expect the world to buy it and take them at face value. Well I don't know about the rest of you, but I can see through that in a New York minute.

It's not so hard. People will go off about how they want to further their career or have some "me" time but really all they're saying is that they are afraid to take those last but oh-so-critical steps. Maybe they mean it at first, but as time goes by and they get comfortable, people get less and less spontaneous and more methodical and they become unwilling to hope and wish for things, because wishing is what four-year olds do when they put a tooth under their pillow, or what teenage girls do when they see 11:11 cross a clock. People are afraid to put their trust in something that seems silly and is quite possibly not even real. They say they don't believe in love, when really they just don't believe in their ability to find it.

"Maybe it's just one wish away"

You may never know, but I do, that love is just one wish away. Falling in love takes a wish, it takes a dream and a hope, and it takes courage, because love is what makes you most vulnerable. To let someone in, you have to let some walls down. Courage is something currently lacking in the world, because so many people are afraid to wish for it.

"No wonder your heart feels it's flying, your head is a-spinning"

In Harry Potter Hermione is talking about the most powerful love potion in the world. She said that it smells different for each person, and hers smells like grass and parchment. My love potion would smell like Blue Knob, freshly cut grass, the ocean, and raspberry lemonade. Love is in glances, smiles, corny jokes that make you laugh till you cry, and shy, churning feelings in your stomach. Some people will say that those things are hormones, and that's true, but it's also love.

The other day I was walking around, and I saw a certain person. All of the sudden, the lighthearted, happy feeling I was experiencing gave way to painful stomach aches. Umm....excuse me, body? Do you minddd?? I kept wondering to myself, why am I feeling this way? Am I sick? Why do I feel like I need to run and get my backpack? Or put on my marching shoes? And then it hit me. This is the same feeling that I would get before the first day of school, this ache was the same I felt every single day August-November of my junior year during 2nd period, because 3rd period was marching band. This is my nerves at their most extreme. I don't know why my body thinks I have nerves and all that to spare for this kind of stuff, but it certainly seems to think that it needs to roll out the big guns when I am faced with my biggest fears. As if I don't have enough to worry about. So I asked myself, why am I so nervous? Could it be that I possibly this person? Maybe. I still can't decide. But that's besides the point.

Sister Obering says that she still feels all tingly and giddy around her husband. I want that feeling, too. Of course I don't want to have debilitating stomach pains whenever I see my future husband, but I definitely want to feel a smile come on, and maybe a few nervous giggles, and always a happy lift in my heart and bounce in my step.

"In our secretest heart, it's our favorite part of the story. Let's just admit we all wanna make it to ever ever after"

If I were to take a poll in which I ask everyone in the world flat-out if they want to be happy, I would be very surprised to hear anyone say no. Who doesn't want to be happy? Who doesn't want to have a fulfilling, satisfying life? We all want that. We all want our life story to end with, "and they all lived happily ever after." It's true.

You can want other things, and you can have them and walk around with a smile on your face. But it's always better when someone smiles back at you, yes? Like it or not, you are looking for someone whose very smile fills you up with happiness, and it feels good to know that there is someone out there looking for your smile as well :)

"Fairytales coming true"

I want a fairytale, and I know I will get one. My Prince Charming is one who will be so excited to meet me, one that would be ecstatic to find a note from me, one that holds my books for me and offers me his jacket.

One day I was talking to this guy and he said, "Nicole, one day you're going to find someone who will write notes for you, and you will marry him." This is true, but of course I will not marry every single guy who writes me notes. I would be married to like, seven guys right now if that were the case. No. But there are certain things that I expect of my husband....

Every girl has her own "thing." Some are more ridiculous and far-fetched than others. For example, my friend Veronica says that she will marry the first guy who buys her a giraffe. Seul wants a Korean pop star. I'm not sure which one it is at the moment.

Others have much more attainable "things". Julia likes broad shoulders. Gina wants a man who understands that she has friends and family who deserve her time, too.

Some girls don't have "things", but scenarios. Holly will meet her future husband at a coffee shop. They will both order the same thing, and then one order will be ready before the other, and they'll both reach for it and their hands will touch, and in that moment they will just know. Heather wants a cowboy that she will meet on an airplane.

Me? I want someone who will make me laugh and who will fully support my love for Disney everything, but especially Disney Princesses. Hmm....maybe we will hit Disney World as a part of our Honeymoon?

"If we just don't get it our own way"

Some people say that you'll never get exactly what you want in a husband. Perhaps thats true, but I think I am pretty low maintenance, and I also firmly believe that when you are united with someone in marriage and even in friendship or business partnerships, you learn to adapt.

You have to give a little, and take even less sometimes. But with love, it's all worth it, and I know that at least for me, I am going to be married to a man that inspires me to grow in every way, and that each compromise that we make and each sacrifice that we endure together will only make both of us better and more in love than ever.

"You even might wind up being glad to be you"

That being said, while my husband will constantly be making me strive for self-improvement, he will not do so in a condescending way. We all know that one person who seems so good. You look at them, and you think, man they are just perfect.

But wait, why, if they're so perfect, do you feel so crummy to be around them? It must be because you are so imperfect. It's your fault. You find yourself constantly trying to be the person they want you to be. You read your texts twice before you send them, you check your laugh at the door, you hesitate before speaking because what if they don't agree? You justify all this by reminding yourself that they are perfect, and therefore, perfect for you.

They are totally not.

Tell me something, do you want to live your whole life not watching your favorite movies, never fully opening up to how you truly feel about that person, and constantly making excuses to yourself for why you can't do any of the above? I don't, and any self-respecting person doesn't either.

The perfect person for you is someone that you can grow with, not measure up to. You are your best self, and there's a guy out there who adores you.

"Let yourself be enchanted"

Fairytales all need a little magic. Fairy godmothers, enchanted mirrors, talking animals, it's all there, but not here. We don't have those things, but we do have love.

In another favorite movie, Aquamarine, Aquamarine asks Hailey what's so great about love anyway? It only hurts. And Hailey says that she doesn't know, but she knows that there's a reason why people want it so much, and that is "because it's the closest thing we have to magic."

And I believe that. I believe that people can do amazing things with the power of love. Love inspires me, it motivates me, it makes me happy and excited to experience it for myself. And I believe that perfect love never has to end. It can keep going....

Forever ever after

Trumpet Nose

I am in perfect touch with my emotions. When a certain person texts me, when I hear a nauseatingly familiar chortle, when I get an undeservedly terrible grade, when I look awful every single time the salesboys come into the office and the onee Friday I look positively adorable their meeting is cancelled, I know exactly how I feel about it. How? It all comes down to the center of my face.

My nose.

Ever since I was a little girl I have had an attitude when it comes to blowing my nose. And that attitude is "loud and proud". But all that changed one day when I was about five. I was tooting my horn, so to speak, when Kelly and Heather made fun of me and called me "trumpet nose". I was so ashamed that I snuck into Joseph's crib and wept bitterly. That poor babysitter.

But they were right, I did have a trumpet nose. I would blow my nose with such passion that no one could mistake, things were coming out of there when I lifted a tissue and blew.

Over the years I have tamed my trumpet nose and rarely will I blow my nose as loudly as I used to. However, every once in awhile I find myself taking a deep breath as a tissue comes closer and closer to my face, and then all of the sudden BDDGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRBBBBB. And I stare at the tissue wondering where in the world that came from.

But one day, I found out. My mother asked me, after I had blown my nose in such a way, what I was so upset about? I looked at her, completely bewildered. Of course there was something bothering me, but I considered myself a master at covering up my emotions. How had she figured it out? In an answer to my unspoken question, Mom said, "You blew your nose. You only blow it like that when you are angry or upset."

"I do?"

Mom surveyed me quizzically. "Yes. Didn't you know?"

I had not known, but now that I did, I was quite delighted. I had a quirk! Something that I do without even thinking about it! I had always wanted a quirk, an action that was thoroughly and irrevocably my own.

My nose has been my key to my fabulous intuition. Sometimes I'll meet a person, and as soon as they leave I find myself reaching for a tissue. Sometimes it takes a few encounters for me to finally understand that I clearly do not like this person.

Other times I will be going someplace and suddenly I'm frantically searching the car for a tissue box. Obviously I do not wish to be going to the place that I am headed.

The phrase "just follow your nose" is especially applicable to me. I have followed my nose away from the most stressful of acquaintance, fled when I felt a sneeze coming on from the most dastardly of decisions, and excused myself from the awkwardest of situations by acknowledging my need for a tissue. It is beyond me why anyone would ever get a nose job, when mine has been so faithful to me.

When someone says, "the answer is right in front of your nose" they are incredibly wrong. The answer isn't in front of my nose. It is my nose.

God Bless the USA

One pretty day in September 2001 I was sitting in my fourth grade classroom. I had a substitute teacher who had yet to show. I wondered vaguely what had happened to her and was imagining all sorts of things when all the sudden she came in, and she was crying. I looked at her, completely baffled. This particular substitute was never very nice. She had yelled a lot and made us miss our real teacher even more. I didn't quite know what to think of her tears but thought it was about time someone got back at her.

She told us that something very bad had happened. We listened as she said that planes had crashed into the Twin Towers in New York City, and the Pentagon, which is very close to where I live. In fact, when I was little, my dad worked at the Pentagon. One other plane aimed for the Capitol had gone down in Virginia, because the passengers realized what was going on and bravely stopped it. I later learned that some of the terrorists involved in this sick act lived in Canterbury, which is literally less than a mile from my home. I have friends that live there.

All throughout the day my classmates were being pulled from class and taken home by their parents. I remember waiting for my own mom to come get me, but it didn't take long for me to realize that that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. Looking back, I am very glad that she didn't. That taught me at a very young age to face conflict on my own, and to not be afraid even when terrible things were happening. My mother was placing her trust in my school and in me, to keep me safe.

I remember going home and seeing my two older sisters, Kelly and Heather, who had no idea what was going on. I bragged that I did and our teachers had told us. But I didn't really know what was going on. I didn't know that the country that allowed little girls like me to go to school, to have sisters and brothers, to wear what I wanted, to pray and eat and do what I wanted, was under attack.

Slowly after that, names like Al-Qaeda and Osama bin Ladin and Saddam Hussein were integrated into daily conversation. I knew that these were bad guys and we must catch them. I knew that they were the people who had planned the attacks on 9/11. Over the years I have learned much more about them and their campaign against this wonderful nation and all that it stands for. But I'm not going to talk about that. I'm going to talk about one of the greatest loves of my life, and that is the United States of America.

I love America. I think it is the best country in the world and I am so lucky to live here. My favorite holidays are the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. In case you didn't notice, two of these holidays are in celebration of our country.

I love the patriots we stood up against King George III and decided that enough was enough! And that they wanted a land that would respect every member and rights and voting and freedom to choose.

I hate it when I say how much I love America and someone has to say, "you know Thomas Jefferson had slaves, right? What do you think of him now?" This makes me mad. And no, not at Thomas Jefferson.

Of course I knew that. I know a lot about America. Knowing that our Founding Fathers were not perfect does not take away from that love. And I hate that people think it might. And it doesn't because I love America.

I love all that America stands for. Sometimes I get really frustrated with the attitude I see much too often as a girl growing up in Maryland. There is an attitude of entitlement, that you should get everything for nothing. What these people do not realize is that freedom is never free. How cliche, right? But it is true. America does not stand for a free-for-all, it stands for hard work and dedication even when there are a million Goliaths and you are one tiny Daniel with only a couple, second-rate stones.

I love every man and woman who has ever served honorably in the armed forces. I think they really define "land of the free and home of the brave." I always always get tears in my eyes when I see soldiers, especially in the airport. I try to go up to them and say thank you, but sometimes I just can't because I know I will turn into a big, blubbery mess. Even as I write this and am just thinking about it I'm getting teary.

There is a group on facebook that is called, "Soldiers are not heroes." I got so mad when I saw that. I joined another (much larger) group that is called, "Petition to remove "Soldiers are not heroes" group from facebook." Because soldiers ARE heroes, and I will tell you why.

Soldiers are willing to risk their lives to save our freedoms. They leave their families, friends, and country behind in order to secure safety and peace of mind for not only us Americans, but those in other countries as well. How I admire these men and women!

I love love lovee the phrase "You may disagree with what I'm doing, but I will fight to the death for your right to say so." I think those who don't support our soldiers are as bogus as rotten cheese and are not fit to live in such a wonderful country. I think that they should all be exiled for six months to live in Afghanistan and then maybe they'll see how good they have it.

I love that as an 18-year old girl I am allowed the right to vote. I cannot wait to have a political voice. Voting is one of the best things about this country.

I love that I have an Asian best friend, as well as German, Italian, Indian, Pakistani and Guatemalan friends. I love that in my veins flows French, British, Dutch, and Native American blood but that I am, whole-heartedly, a red-blooded all-American girl.

I love the 4th of July. I love seeing the fireworks that celebrate this wonderful country. I love apple pie and the America cake my mom makes (white strawberry jello poke cake topped with whipped cream and strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries that make an American flag). And speaking of the flag...

I love our flag! I was so sad about having band 1st period this past year, because that meant that I would almost always miss the Pledge of Allegiance because we would never hear the announcements go on over our playing. I think that people shouldn't be allowed the say the pledge unless they mean it. And what I mean by that is that you should realize that when you break the law selling crack or helping illegal aliens into this country you are not honoring the flag, and you don't deserve its protection.

I love this song that Kelly sang in a show when she was probably four or five. It goes,
There's a feeling comes a-slealing
and it sets my brain a-reeling
When I'm listening to the music of a military band
.....
Red, white, and blue! I am for you!
Honest you're a grand old flag.

You're a grand old flag
you're a high-flying flag
And forever in peace may you wave!
You're an emblem of
the land I love!
The home home of the free and the brave!
Every heart beats true for the red, white and blue
where there's never a boast or brag!
But shall all acquaintance be forgot
Keep your eye on that grand old flag!

I love America songs. I was raised to love this country. I sang America's praises on road trips and on holidays. I had shirts with flags on them and read books about it. There's a song that I will write the lyrics to right now,

I love America, yes I do!
I love America love it true.
I love America it's for me
the home of the brave and the land of the free!

There are so many America songs I adore. Today in church we sang the Star Spangled Banner and of course I cried. I get very emotional when I think of this great nation.

Every time I see the clock strike 9:11 I remember that day in 4th grade. I think I will always remember no matter where I am or what I'm doing. My heart aches for those whose lives were torn apart by that day. One time my family went to New York City and we were able to see Ground Zero. It was a devastatingly sad sight, and sobering. Every September 11th my family lights candles and places them on our porch and I go off by myself and listen to a CD we have that is a newsreel of that day.

This post is not at all the cheerful affair I wish it could be, but I think it is important that we never, ever forget. I was alive for 9/11, but I was not around in 1776 or 1812 or the Civil War or WWI or WWII or the Cold War or Vietnam or the Cuban Missile Crisis. However I know that these conflicts and wars happened and ended in such a way that allows me to write this post on my blog.

I love all those who risked their lives in signing the Declaration of Independence. I love Paul Revere (one of my very favorite historical figures) and George Washington and Abe Lincoln and Thomas Jefferson and Ben Franklin. I love love lovee John Hancock and his all or nothing attitude and his ginormous signature. When I was little, I said that I would sign my name so small, just in case we didn't win, because then they would never know who I was. Now I know that my John Hancock would be just like its name's sake. I love America, I love our founding fathers and our soldiers, and I love our America songs.

God bless the USA!