Goal

I want an internship. My friend had the most kick-a internship I've ever heard of, and I want it more than I want anything else in this whole entire world.

I am going to set some goals, and I have to reach them if I ever want a prayer of getting this incredible opportunity. I need to

• Get my GPA up to a 4.0. I don't know if that means re-taking a couple classes but whatever it takes that's where it needs to be
• Understand what I'm learning. That's the biggest thing, bc once I understand the grades will follow
• Continue to love my major
• Keep my Economist journals, and then once I get a handle on that, begin learning from other news sources as well
• Figure out my time management
• Get a good night's sleep every night and eat lotsa blueberries and spinach and drink water like nobody's business. Those things always make you smarter.
• Seek out opportunities for jobs and travel that will better qualify me for this internship

I know that I can't get this internship by myself, so I will also 

• Fast and pray often and concerning this
• Have daily personal scripture study
• Always pay my tithing promptly
• Be as kind and helpful as possible, because that always comes back to you

I know that this is possible, bc if there's anything that I learned this off-track it is that I am a very blessed girl, and that the blessings come by the bucket-load when I work hard. So now that I know more about who I am and how to be the best Nicole I can be, I have a lot more confidence in my ability to reach my goals. So hooray! I am excited. I really want this internship, so it's time to roll up my sleeves and get to work.

I need to get back to the place that I belong

I love this song.

The "why"

Recently I've been asked why physically going to church is important. My friend who was asking about this said that church shouldn't be about impressing other people and showing that you are there. It should be a personal thing, in your heart, and that if you know that you believe and God knows you believe then everything should be okay.

I agree with some of this. I really like the Rush Hour movies, but one part that really baffles me is in the first one. Carter and Lee are still getting to know each other and they bust into this bar and Carter is pretending to interrogate this guy. Once Lee is out of the room Carter becomes all casual and is like, "See you at church on Sunday?" And the guy, who is obviously a criminal, is all "oh yeah see you there."

This is a good example of what my friend was saying. Just because you go to church doesn't mean that you are a good person. I mean, this guy was a career criminal. Conversely, just because you don't go to church doesn't mean that you are a bad person. Heavenly Father understands when we get busy. He also knows that going to church is not a top priority for some people. I'm sure it hurts His feelings, but it's not all hellfire and damnation if you don't go.

So I began to ask myself why church is important to me, and here are some reasons I have come up with....

• Every time I go to church and I have prepared my heart, I feel happy and I feel the Spirit
• I know some of my best friends from church. I don't know if I would've been friends with or even met them if it weren't for church.
• I love singing with the congregation
• I know that if I go to church with a sincere desire to learn I always come away with more knowledge
• I know that Heavenly Father is always there for me. I know that He watched the ballet recital I was in when I was five. I know that He listened to all of my band concerts, and I've had a lot. So going to His meeting once a week is my way of saying thanks.
• I know that taking the Sacrament is important

There is a phrase that I sometimes have to repeat to myself, and it is that "the church is true, but sometimes the people aren't." It just means that the principles and doctrines we learn about at church are sound and true, but the people surrounding us are not perfect.

Sometimes people say rude things, or poke into other people's business, or judge you. It's not because the scriptures aren't true, or because the church isn't true, because they are. It's because girls will be girls and boys will be boys and people will talk and make mistakes. Such is being human. And even though that is sometimes tough to get around, church should not be about that eye-roll or what Sally said to Susie in the bathroom. As my friend said, religion is personal, and it should be about you and God. I feel sorry for those people who treat church like a gossip-fest, because they are missing out on so much.

So to conclude, I think that church is really important to Heavenly Father, bc it's not about showing other people that you are willing to sacrifice a few hours on a Sunday, it's about showing Him that you are. It's like paying tithing. It's simply showing that God matters to you more than that ten dollars, or those three hours. And sometimes, it doesn't really make sense, but that's what faith is about, isn't it?

Hahahhaaa

I've been meaning to put this on here for forever. Ahhhh I love this. It kinda reminds me of my mom and dad :)

That would be "Miss Nanny" to you, thanks.

Because I am going back to school soon we (M+M and I) have been shopping around for a daycare/pre-school for the lil guy.

The first daycare we looked at I have grown to like more and more. The people there are friendly and kind, they have a lot of experience with children, they have their own playground, the halls are filled with music and a performer from the Kennedy Center comes every week to sing with the children.

The second one, the one that we went to yesterday, was, in a word, horrible.

I met up with the dad and the mom was to be along soon. We walked in and the director came to greet us. I introduced myself as "Nicole, the nanny." We went down to the classroom and she introduced me as "Nicole, the babysitter."

I was insulted. "I'm the nanny," I kindly corrected as I met the teachers.

"Babysitter." The director said in a sickeningly patronizing voice.

Okay people, I am not the lil guy's babysitter. I am his nanny. It is a big difference. This is not some on and off job where I come for a few hours a couple weekends a month so mom and dad can have a date night. No. My hours are 8:15-6:30 Monday-Friday. I have sick days and paid vacation and this is my job.

I am a big part of the lil guy's life. I've taught him words, I change his diaper, prepare his lunch, go to his appointments, read him books, pick out his outfits, kiss all better his boo-boos, wipe his nose, teach him manners....I am not some babysitter when it comes to my lil guy.

Throughout the visit I became increasingly unimpressed by this so-called "daycare." They had a snack time and we had told them several times in the five minutes that we'd been there what the lil guy's (severe) allergies were, and I am without any sort of doubt that the mom made these very clear over the phone. But just to be sure when one of the teachers handed him a cracker, the dad asked if it had any dairy or nut products in it? and guess what the teacher said....

"Oh, I don't know."

Excuse me....what? You don't know? How could you not know? How could you not make absolutely certain before feeding this child? I admit, I made a mistake once feeding him goldfish. That was wrong. However I would like to say that I was new, inexperienced with food allergies, and the mini goldfish were with the lil guy's other snack foods.

These "teachers" are supposed to have experience dealing with kids with allergies. To make a mistake like that is inexcusable at any respectable daycare. The clients of said daycare are smart, and live in DC, meaning that they undoubtedly have access to good lawyers. I once heard that there was one lawyer for every ten people in DC. Sounds crazy, but think about it- not so unlikely. Do they honnnnestly think there wouldn't be repercussions for careless feeding?

And the teachers the teachers. Lemme talk some more about the teachers. I really liked one. She was supernice and good with the kids. But all of the rest....??


All of them wore UGG boots and fancy, stylish clothes. All of them had a vacant stare. All of them seemed vapid and selfish and slutty. Yes, I am absolutely judging those books by their cover, but I don't believe I am too far from the truth.

I have grown up around girls like this all my life. I grew up in a very privileged area, and designer labels are seen everywhere. Wintertime at my high school was an opportunity for all the girls to break out their UGG boots, and a Vera Bradley key chain/wallet are staples. Although I don't like UGG boots, I am in the very small minority. That's just the way it is around here.


And that's not a problem, but I still couldn't stand to be around those teachers because they were just so snobby. The big difference between where I grew up and these girls is that where I grew up people weren't stuck up about how much money they had or whatever. It is an affluent community. It's not a big deal if everybody has it.


These girls were so stuck-up and unpleasant and I don't know how any of them got their jobs. There was this poor little boy, and I guess he was having kind of a bad day, because he wanted to sit on one of the teacher's laps during the dumb story time (it was a book about triangles in the city. Triangles in the city. Kids don't care about that! They want dogs and ducks and trucks.). If it had been me, of course he could've sat on my lap. If it had been at the other (better) pre-school, this wouldn't have been a big deal, a little deal, or even a deal. It's a child- of course they'll want to sit on your lap.


Well apparently this was a big deal. They teacher kept shoving him off, but the kid really wanted to sit with her. Finally she was like, "Okay you can have one hug one and then you have to go sit on your dot."


I don't see what the problem is. The teachers weren't doing anything but sitting around listening to the stupid story anyway. And this was the only kid who wanted to sit on a lap, so they wouldn't be playing favorites by allowing it. So dumb.


When the mom arrived, the lil guy wanted to see her so we went up the stairs and greeted her. She chatted with the director while the lil guy, the dad and I went back and forth from the classroom. Finally the lil guy made it clear that he wanted us all (M+M and I) to go to the classroom with us. As we went down the stairs the director called after us, "Oh, it's probably best if Nicole doesn't go. I mean, three people would be a distraction."


Umm....are you trying to tell me that one person more would make such a difference to a room full of kids (and most likely teachers) who can't count? Honestly?


M+M kind of looked at her for a second, nonplussed, and then smiled apologetically at me. "I'll just wait up here." I said, walking back to the lobby, which overlooks the classroom that the lil guy was in. I watched them for a couple minutes and then went to the director's office door.


"Hi," I smiled, knocking on the glass panel because the door was open. She turned around in her chair and didn't even try to smile. Just looked at me.


"Yes?"


I smiled again, because such is my habit. Because, unlike some people, I am polite and nice. "If you have a moment, I would love to hear more about this daycare."


She stared at me blankly and grudgingly asked. "What would you like to know?"


I wasn't expecting this. At the other daycare when I announced my desire to learn more I was bombarded with fun-facts, solid information- all told with a smile. I could see I would get no such treatment from here.


"Well," I began. "I noticed that there were a lot less boys than girls in the class. Is there a reason for this? Are some of them perhaps on vacation?"


She was smiling now, but it was a hard, cold, frozen smile as she quickly informed me they "don't discriminate because that's not how it is in the real world."


Really. Really? People in the real world do not discriminate? If that is the case then I would like to know whyy I felt like she was discriminating against me because of my job title that she could never quite manage to get right.


"Oh I wasn't thinking that you did." I assured her, even though that was a lie. "I was just wondering because there seems like so much more girls than boys."


"No, that's just the way it turned out. A lot of these children have been with us since their infancy and the families all know each other and they get together on weekends and stuff."


I smiled appreciatively at this piece of useless information. "Okay. What's a normal day like?"


She proceeded to tell me of the boring, drab days these kids have to endure Monday-Friday, 365. They have "student-led" activities in the morning. I asked if the "students" were interns, and she told me that they were the children.


I raised my eyebrows. "So....for two hours the children are in charge?"


The director rolled her eyes. "The teachers watch them."

Awesome.

Then they go on a walk. They have this rope/leash thing that all the kids hold and the teachers lead them to playgrounds. Ohhh-kay. I know this area. There are no playgrounds around here. It is a hugely busy place, and that's saying something considering that DC is a busy city to begin with. There are countless buses, cars, taxis, pedestrians, cyclists. I don't know how all these kids are still alive bc whatever playground this woman was talking about has to have been at least four city blocks away, and I wouldn't trust those teachers to get themselves across the street.

After that it's lunch (disaster), naptime, snack (please try not to poison the children), and then storytime and free play or whatever.

"That sounds like a fun day!" I lied, thinking that I would rather walk through a mine field than subject my lil guy to that many risks in one day.

I was done talking with her, and she had clearly checked out before the conversation even started. I thanked her for her time and the mom gestured for me to come down to the classroom. She told me that they were going to stay for a bit and that I could nip home if I wanted. Oh yes, I very much wanted.

As I walked out I saw this kid sitting in what must be the time-out chair in the lobby. He looked miserable and very worried and couldn't have been over four years old. The director called him into her office and began reprimanding him for I don't know what, but the way she was going at it his crime might as well have been drowning the class gerbil. I pointed this out to the dad, and he seemed very convinced already that this was a horrible place.

Later the mom asked me my opinion on the daycare. I was very hesitant at first, but then I realized that if I didn't say something my lil guy would probably have to go to that wretched place, since the mom seemed to like it. I cleared my throat and told her my experience. Immediately the mom's face became shocked, then indignant.

"What?! Why would they treat you like that? For all they know you could be my sister!"

The reason she said this is that I have a nanny friend in my building who is nannying for her sister. I introduced her to the mom one day and she simply adores them.

"I know!' I agreed. "And it's not like you won't ask me what I think."

The mom nodded seriously and reassured me that my opinion was very important to this decision. I am very glad about that, bc I already knew it in the first place but it was nice that she made a point to reassure me on this.

Because even though I am "just a nanny", I am very proud of my job and the work that I do. It is one of the most important jobs out there. So yeah, that would be "Miss Nanny" to you, thanks.

BYU-I

Soon I will be going back to school. I have mixed feelings about this. Allow me to discuss.

Pros

- Roommates with MERRIN!

- Neighbors to Kathy, Jessica, Rachel, Rebecca

- Kinda neighbors to Michelle and Paige (not in complex, but their buildings are close)

- MICHELLE <3

- Advanced International Relations with Brother Adamson and Rebekah HOLLA

- That yummy teriyaki place whose food I will be living off of while I am in Rexburg

- Poss class with Heather

- Kathy has a car!

- My crimper and cocomotion! Howww I have missed them :)

- Study sessions with Paige
- Adventures with Merrin
- My classes look sooo interesting
- Ash and Ashley are driving me up!

- Snow!

Cons

- The annoying dating/wedding craziness. I just want to learn can everyone please CALM DOWN

- It is really really cold

- It might take a minute to get adjusted back into college life

- I really have no idea what all I have over there

- Dam and En-ne-nemily aren't there 'till Spring Semester

- Neither is Julia, but it's not like it makes a difference where we are, we hardly see/speak with each other anyway

- I just want a freaken car. Oprah- Christmas present please??


But I am obsessed with this song.

Heavenly Father loves me

The title "Heavenly Father loves me" was not the original title of this blog. It was "underachieved." However as I was writing I realized (again) how true this new title is. This post was originally very whiny and "woe is me" and just rather annoying and mopey. However, as I wrote about how underachieved I felt I was, I realized how blessed I truly am, and I would like to share some examples of my many blessings with you....

1. When I was in middle school I got chosen from the audience to help with the dolphin show. My mom had asked up front where we should sit so it was more likely that we would get chosen, and the nice ticket lady told us in a conspiratorial whisper where to go. She cautioned us that it was not guaranteed, but Heavenly Father knew that it would make me happy so I got chosen.
2. I have my family.
3. I got an internship at NIH
4. I got another internship that, even though I didn't like it very much, sure looks good on a resume.
5. I wanted a secretary's job, and I got offered one. I didn't even need to interview for it.
6. When I was beyond broke, I was at the airport coming home. I had sold back my textbooks but at two different times, so I ended up with like, $66 or something. All I know is that one of the bills was a $50 and I didn't want to break a $50, so I didn't. So there I was, with only a 50 dollar bill and a few spare coins in my vera, and lo and behold one of my bags was overweight. There was no way I could fit my stuff elsewhere so I owed the airline....you guessed it- 50 bucks. I know that was no coincidence.
7. I got a wonderful nannying job that was in DC, and I got to live in my favorite city five days every week. I have always wanted to get to know DC better, and Heavenly Father knew that so He gave me this wonderful job.
8. My attitude towards money and spending completely changed in the past four months. I know that it is because Heavenly Father wants me to be wise, and so He helped me make the necessary adjustments.
9. My car isn't working (but is currently in the shop and will be better by Monday!) and so I never had to pay for gas. I didn't need a car for my job.
10. For groceries during the week I would put whatever I wanted on the list for the online grocery shop M+M used. Tressa, the nanny before me, said that she never went over $30, and that it was always enough. So I took that advice, and there is so much food you can get for under 30 dollars! This was excellent bc Heavenly Father knows that I have a hard time with managing grocery shopping. Now I know exactly how things add up and it has been a real blessing for me.

I know that I get these blessings because I pray. Prayer is a very simple but powerful thing. A couple years back there was a Sunday when the topic for Sacrament Meeting was prayer. I was profoundly impacted by the words spoken. It was a different take on prayer than I had ever thought.

Prayer is supposed to be meaningful and very personal. It's your special time with the God who made this Earth, the animals you adore, the stars in the sky, the air you breathe and the heart that pumps that oxygen to the rest of your body. He is a very busy man, but He always has time for you. He loves us, and that is sometimes very hard to do I am sure.

But He loves hearing from us. He wants to know how our day went, what we think about our classes and the weather. He smiles when we are kind and thoughtful towards others. He just loves us, and that is such a wonderful thing.

I am not the best with words, so it is sometimes hard for me to answer questions about my beliefs. However I would just like to state that I know the church is true. I know that when I pay my tithing and help out in Primary and read my scriptures that I am doing what Heavenly Father wants me to do. 

I know that God exists, and not only that but that He loves me and you very much. He is the best daddy anyone could ever ask for, so we are really very lucky. I know that as long as I pray and work hard that everything will turn out the way it is supposed to.

I know that the Book of Mormon is a true book and I know that anyone who reads it and prays about it sincerely can know that same thing.

I know that Jesus died for us and that He is the nicest older brother. I know that forgiveness is attainable and that the Atonement is for everyone.

I know that even though there are some people who get away with terrible crimes here on this Earth, they will not escape the justice of God when the time comes, and that comforts me but also motivates me to be better, because I am not perfect.

I know that sometimes life is tough, but that is not because He wants us to hurt.

I know that we can always ask Him for help, and help will always always come, because Heavenly Father didn't send us here and simply forget about us.

We are important to Him.

We matter to Him.

He loves to talk with us.

He loves us more than we know.

And I love Him too <3

What I want

I want to become a registered phlebotomist. I want to go to Portebello Road and sing the song from Bed knobs and Broomsticks. I want to visit Cherry Tree Lane, which is where Mary Poppins lived for awhile. I want to travel abroad with my friends. I want to learn three languages- Russian, Thai, and Korean. And while I'm at it I'll brush up on my Spanish and maybe learn French. I want to live places, not just visit. I want to get a passport. I want to be a wee bit spontaneous, but I seem incapable of that. I want unlimited funds. I want to live in DC again but this time as a political analyst or something. I want Winnie's internship. I want to understand what is going on in the world. I want to keep my Economist journals and USE them. I want to get straight As. I want to get a scholarship, but I want to really deserve it. I want to win a writing contest. I want to learn how planes work. I want to know how to drive fast and crash into things without hurting my car or myself. I really, really really want to go to Kenya.

Happy Birthday to me!

Tomorrow is my birthday! Not really, but it iss my half-birthday, and since I am out at school for my real birthday I am celebrating my fake birthday with my family. I am very excited :) I also feel much older than I did in June, and wiser too! allow me to explain the things I have learned in the last six or so months.

• I do not like being broke
• The best way to save is to not spend
• Budgets do work
• A clean room is a happy room
• Piggy banks work!
• Water is extremely important for my happiness
• Sloth bears are my favorite animals
• DC is a wonderful city
• I love the metro system and can work it, work it, work it girl!
• Taking care of children is an extremely important job.
• Even if they can't talk much, children are smart and have very distinct personalities.
• Nannies are some of the nicest people you will ever meet

I have matured a lot in these fiveish months. I never used to believe that a person could change as thoroughly as I have and in such a short period of time, but I have, and I am so happy that I have grown up :)

It is so official....

I am not going to Russia anymore. The end.

Actually I should prolly elaborate. Ehm.

I am not going to Russia because have you seennn what's going on over there?? That government is corrupt. Soo many high-ranking officials were once part of the Secret Police or other parts of the Soviet Union. The upcoming elections are a joke- a really, reallllyy bad one.

I would not feel safe if I was in Russia, and recently I have gotten an extremely bad feeling about it. So I'm not going. I would love to go one day, but first that country needs to pull itself together. There's talk of another revolution, and if that happens I hope it ends well, but we'll just have to wait and see. My Russia dream might have to wait a long time.

And that is the end.

Karma

Today I fb-stalked my crazy roommate from last semester. Apparently she had broken her arm while hiking in the Grand Canyon. I laughed at her. No, this isn't normal. Usually I am sweet and empathetic. But she just lookkkedd so funny and also she put me through so much mental stress I just am mean about her sometimes. Whatever.

So then I continued scrolling down her page and saw that she now is in love with a show. My favorite show. I hate that she likes the same things as me.

And thats how I know karma is real, bc I was laughing at her and then I felt sad. The end.

Thanksgiving ABCs

Happy Thanksgiving everybody! So my friend Ashley has a blog too and she does this thing called Thanksgiving ABCs, where she'll write down what she's grateful in ABC order, and I am going to do the same thing!

Amigos. I have the best friends imaginable, and I love making new ones. I have learned a lot from my friends/ex friends about the kind of person and the kind of friend I want/don't want to be. A large part of me is a reflection of my friends.

Bras. Honestly ladies, who isn't grateful for their favorite bra? I was chatting with a friend the other day and we both LOVE bra shopping. It is so much fun!

Chloe, my baby bird. Elle, her dear friend and the sweetest bird I have ever known, died a couple weeks ago. But I know she is now in Heaven with Mandy and Blueberry and Sara and Alice and Tabby, my friend Sara's cat who just died of Aids, and I know she is happy and now she can be my shoulder angel, because that is where she loves to perch :) And the knowledge of this makes me a very grateful girl.

DC. I love this city.

Emperor's New Groove. This is the FUNNIEST movie in the world! I lovee it :)

Family. I am so blessed to be in my family. I hope that I can raise my future kids the way my parents raised us, because I think we all turned out quite nicely :) We love each other, have testimonies, ambition, and want to help and be there for each other.

Google. Bing and yahoo just annoy me.

Harry Potter. This is the best book series ever, the end.

Ink, specifically the ink in my favorite pens. I love them. I loveee pens.

Jesus Christ. Because of Him I have the ability to repent and live with God again. I am so grateful for that opportunity.

Kenya. I love keeping that dream in my back pocket. I will go someday, I really will.

Lil guy. I have the best lil guy ever! He is soo wonderful. This is the best job I have ever had and the most rewarding.

Missionaries. They are such a a good example to me of courage.

Nature. I love the sky and the leaves and snowflakes and animals and MOUNTAINS and just in conclusion, I am so grateful for the time God puts into making this world beautiful.

Orville, my piggy bank. He is the best, and in lieu of that I am thankful for my family who enjoy feeding him! He is 11.2 pounds as of yesterday :)

PoliSci. I love love lovee my major. It is exactly my cup of tea and even though I am not sure what I want to do with it yet I know that I am using my time and money wisely.

Qdoba, even though it's been over a year since I've gone I think. Yum!

Reading, or my ability to read. It is so nice to be literate. Books are such nice companions.

Sabie baby, my car. But I only like her when she works. I miss driving SO MUCH!

T-Pain. He cracks me up :)

USA. I am so blessed to have been born here. This is the greatest country in the world and ohmigosh have you ever seenn this??

Really eye-opening. I am so lucky.

Variety. I love living on the East Coast, but specifically MD and DC. There are so many different religions and cultures and ethnicities. I want my kids to grow up in MD or DC I think.

Winter time. My favorite season! I love snow and nestling up by the fireplace and quilts and carols and decorating the Christmas tree and getting out my Nativity and all the traditions and hearing Christmas music on the radio....It's the most wonderful time of the year!

the LoraX. Come on guys, it's X. What am I supposed to do with that?? But seriously this is my favorite book. Family and friends reading this- THAT is what I want for Christmas. I also love The Sneetches. Dr. Seuss is a genius.

Yankee Doodle Dandies! I am so grateful to the revolutionaries who helped this country into being.

Zoo. I LOVEE the National Zoo. It is soo wonderful.

Inspired: Part 2

I have a friend. Now I'm sure you're thinking, "very good, Nicole. You have many friends....so??"

Well. This particular friend is in the constant state of inspiring me. Her name is Ashley. I created a quote wall from a visit I had with her a few months back. It was one of my highlights from college, actually :) I was able to re-connect with one of my very best friends and my 2nd mother, and then meet a new friend!

Me, Ashley 1, and the new friend! Ashley 2

Aren't we cute :) And now I would like to talk about the lady in the middle, Ashley 1.

As I said, she is in the constant state of inspiring me. Ashley never lets life get her down. Ashley still keeps on, even when faced with challenges. Ashley is always cheerful. Ashley is beautiful inside and out. Ashley expands her horizons. Ashley touches every person she meets. Ashley walks the walk.

Ashley is not a normal person. Ashley makes goals, and completes them. No, this is not necessarily abnormal, but her goals are.

Ashley wants to go on a service-oriented trip every year. Last year she went to Kenya, a place I have wanted to go to for the last eight or so years. And she decided to go, raised the money, and went, all in five months.

This is one of my favorite pictures ever. Isn't she amazing?!

Five months people! That is amazing. But that's also common-place for Ashley. She was in and out of the hospital a lot of school, but she still passed, and not only that- she made good grades. She got into the college she wanted to attend, University of Utah, where she studies, makes friends and inspires, despite her recent diagnosis. You see, Ashley found out a few days ago that she has Multiple Sclerosis.

I debated a bit over whether or not to include this information, but then I realized that Ashley is not a person to hide things like this. Ashley faces problems and then dismisses them once she's given them a severe talking to. She does not pretend away their existence, but at the same time she does not let them define her.

Ashley is amazing. In her blog post announcing this information, she ended with, "....because it all works out in the end!" Seriously, she did.

Ash and I. I wore her Utah hoodie for the photoshoot because I was feeling rebellious :)

Ashley is a living legend to me. I really don't believe in gushing this much, but with Ashley I just don't consider it gushing, it's just stating fact. She is one of those people that you really can't say enough. She is a thousand billion qua-drillion eighty-two hundred million seven thousand and three times better in person than on paper.

Ashley has this way of making people feel special. She sees value and has love for each and every person, no matter where they are from or their back-story or their worldly wealth. She is not perfect, but she has charity, which is the perfect love of the Savior.

There are few people I admire more than this girl. I would move mountains for her, and it is not even a question in my mind that she would do the same for me. I am so honored to be counted among her friends. I think God only lets a few "Ashley"s go to Earth at once, because if there were more people like Ashley, the world wouldn't be in such a bad state. She is a rare gem, so special and unique. I am so blessed to know her.

Dear Ashley,

Thank you for always going the extra mile. Thank you for my wonderful panda pillow pet! Thank you for letting me back into your life without a pause after a five year hiatus. Thank you for celebrating my birthday with me. Thank you for always smiling. Thank you for letting me drink all your apple juice. Thank you for achieving your dreams. Thank you for always helping others. Thank you for teaching me just through your example. Thank you for introducing me to s'more pizza and McDonalds oatmeal. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for laughing as much as you do. Thank you for going to Kenya. Thank you for inviting me :) Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for letting me borrow your family/friends/pets/make-up/clothes. Thank you for inspiring me. Thank you for always taking the time. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for being my hero.

I love you, Ash <3

Nicole's list of things she doesn't believe in

My best friend from growing up, Julia, would hear this phrase rather often. "I don't believe in that."

There are some things that I simply do not believe in. It used to puzzle me when I would hear of some new country trying to get recognized by existing nations. I would be like, why does it matter? It's a new country, why can't everyone just accept this and move on? But I now really understand what the other countries go through. Sometimes you just don't want to believe in something, and I have come up with a list of things I personally do not believe in.

Snorkeling

Does anyyyone look good in snorkeling gear?? NO! Why some people would go snorkeling on their honeymoon is beyond me. That is the best way to make your significant other HATE you.

Music/English Majors

The other day I was talking to my friend and she mentioned this guy she was interested in. She proceeded to tell me all these great things about said boy, but then she said these fateful words, "And he's a music major!" We were on the phone, but I know the exact face I would be looking into had we been together. Excited eyes, hands clasped eagerly, wide, aren't-I-so-lucky grin....

"WHAT?!" I choked. "A music major?" The words left a foul taste on my tongue. I couldn't believe I had heard correctly.

Let me be clear; I am a huge appreciator of music. I lovee it. However, I do not like any of the music majors I have been unfortunate enough to cross paths with. They are quite upp-ity about their talents (or lack there-of). Maybe I don't know enough music majors, but if there is one major that can make me run, it is a music major.

Oh, did I say one major? I meant two. English is the 2nd.

Another friend of mine is an English major. She would have crushes on the boys in her major, and tell me about them, and it just so happened that I had grown up with one of them. One day my friend and I were eating lunch and said boy joined us. He was quite different from the quiet, shy boy I have known. He was now extremely blunt, reflecting the personality of a gossipy socialite rather than a poor college student. He criticized the people who passed us by, complained of his professors, and otherwise failed to impress me. My friend on the other hand was uncomfortable, but she still thought the world of him. It was nauseating.

Sick days

I'm lying. I just don't believe in sick days for things like colds and crap. My line is throwing up. If you throw up, you can stay home.

I blame my parents for this attitude. Also my pioneer heritage. Hey, at least I'm not trekking across the plains. Illness pales (haha) in comparison to that.

Because I got such crappy grades in high school, my parents would never let me take a sick day. I have walked around school with tissue boxes before and drank so much water I've had to go multiple times during a 50 minute class. One time, I was so miserable that my teacher actually sent me to the Nurse's office. I called my mom and she came and picked me up. I was eager to crawl into my nice cool bed and sleep it off, but mother had other plans. We went so many places, ran so many errands. Finally I had to just be like, MOM! Pleaseee take me home!

....And she asked me if we could stop by one more place.

New Year's Eve

January 1st is just another day. To me, there is nuh-thing special about it. When Christmas is over I am sad, but I have come to realize that that is mostly because I hate hate hateee New Year's Eve so effing much. It is the most useless holiday EVER.

Satirical essays

You can read this post about how I don't believe in English class. Here is a quote from said blog post....

"Alright so it might seem like I hate English. I don't. I just hate useless things. Literary devices and crap like that have no value in my life. I could care less about them. I love reading and writing (haha obviously) and being literate will help me in my life. I'll need to read the signs on the road and books when I'm bored. But tell me please how literary devices and prose essays will even smell of use beyond my English classroom."

Fruit punch-flavored things

They all taste bad. I have only ever had one fruit punch that I actually liked. It was at my sister Kelly's wedding reception and it was DELICIOUS.

Flu shots

I haven't had the flu in years. I dontt need a shot. I got one yesterday since I'm a nanny. I understand why, but I still hate it. It just seems like a waste of money to me and now my arm is sore and there's this big, angry red welt on it. Hurting.

Garage Bands

I do not believe in you.

Marshmallows

One time when we were little Heather and I were making rice krispy treats when we grossly (and I mean grossly) overestimated the amount of marshmallows needed. In order to hide the evidence of our wasteful ways we ate the disgusting gooey white blobs. Ughh. And I have never been the same since.

Bringing your bike on the metro

You have a bike. "Have wheels, will travel" mean anything to you??

Allergy medicine

I have only slightttly appreciated one allergy medicine ever. And all the rest are fakes and I would rather go around sneezing and sniffling the rest of my life on my own than sneezing and sniffling with those useless things wandering around my bloodstream or wherever they go.

Angst-filled, "No one but the darkness understands me" Poetry

My senior year of high school there was this girl in my English class, and my teacher loved her. She would sometimes stop class a few minutes early to read us her latest poem. I sat there, focusing on keeping the bile from rising too far up my throat, each time this happened. Here is what her poems sounded like to me. Ehm.

Cold. I am always cold.

And you are?

It is so difficult.

Difficult to SAY.

But I will, and I am cold.

There was usually a line that went something like, "And then you left!" And every time it was basically a sob story that didn't even make sense, complete with dramatic pauses in the weirdest places. I think my teacher liked them so much because she could always find some abstract meaning in the dark, jumbled half-sentences, whereas I could not and cannot think of a bigger waste of the taxpayers money.

Fish

I had this internship once that I didn't even want. I wantedd to work at the Zoo, but no. I was sent to the middle school down the road that had a partnership with NOAA. I am pretty sure the super nice mentor I had hated me, because all these fish started misbehaving and getting sick and dying once my internship started. It wasn't my fault, it was just bad timing. For example- there was a parasite that had laid dormant in the puffer fishs' tank for many years, and then all the sudden it started being all mean.

Anyway. I think it is the biggest waste of time to check the iodine levels in a fish tank. I hated the smell of the poopy water, the NOAA equipment that supposedly worked but somehow baffled three tech-savvy teenagers for approximately eight months, and just basically having to look at fish for three hours straight two days a week. I don't know how mermaids do it.

"Classics"

Read all about it.

Push-up Bras

One time I walked into Vic Sec with my sisters. The new Wonder Bra or Miracle Bra or something was out, and they had a bunch on a table. I picked one up and turned to my sister. "Umm excuse me. There is enough padding on this bra for an entire football team." That is when it gets ridiculous people. Raising you two cup sizes is disgusting.

Twitter

Do you honestly have nothing better to do than tweet, "omg a raindrop fell on my head lol!" Just tyyyping that was painful for me. Twitter seems so stupid and like such a waste of time and a violation of your privacy. No one cares about your life that much, and if they do, you should be concerned.

Umbrellas

I appreciate what they do for people, but what am I supposed to do when I go inside? or if I am pushing a stroller? I just don't have enough hands or patience for one.

Online/texting "relationships"

Are not real. Get a life, people.

Pencils

I was chatting about this with my bff Gina the other day. We were actually school shopping for her, but then I FINALLY found my favorite pens on this here planet Earth after literally years of searching. I, of course, got them, and promptly hid them from my family. I am very serious about these pens.

Which I guess is why I see no use for their cousins, the pencils. I don't even fancy colored pencils- I prefer crayons and markers. The problem with pencils is that the writing fades, the lead runs out, the tips splinter....it's just a mess.

Minor scales

Are ugly sounding. Music is not supposed to sound that bad on purpose.

AOL-speak

Oh my GOSH how annoying is this crap?? The worst of them is "lol." It is far worse than dragging nails across a chalkboard for me. I literally throw up in my mouth every time someone says it to me. If it someehow escapes my lips I promptly slap myself. Twice.

Well that's all for now. I will prolly come back and add more, because there are a lot of things I do not believe in.

A sad understanding

On Kelly's first day of Kindergarten, my Mom cried at the bus stop, and then got in her car and followed the bus all the way to the school, a whole 1.3 miles down the road.


I never understood why my Mom would feel sad when it was the 1st day of school again, or why she would be as upset as the rest of us when Christmas vaca was shorter than usual. I honestly thought she was just doing it to help us feel better. She hated that line in the Christmas song, "And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again." When we would ask her if she was excited for that, she would get this annoyed look on her face and say, "Of course not. I love being around my kids."


I didn't get it. I really cannot express enough how much this idea eluded me. Didn't she want a break? Wasn't she bitter that she had to spend all day every day taking care of us? If I were a mom, I would think, I would want every vacation that I could get. In the latest Cheaper by the Dozen the mom's dreams are coming true. She's a famous author, and she's doing a book signing tour. And yet, she can't sleep. She calls down to the hotel front desk and is like, "Can I get twelve pillows up here?" Because she misses her twelve kids that much.


Today is the lil guy's first day at Daycare, and I officially "get it." I mean sure, he hasn't left yet and yes, I pick him up around 11, but I still miss him so much already.


Maybe if he was a horrible child who bit and screamed and threw fits, I would welcome this day with open arms and balloons. But as it is, he is not, and I could not sleep.


I set my alarm for 9:46am, because I felt that for sure they would be gone by then. But no. I woke up at 6:57, 7:23, 7:45, 8:46.... finally at 9:03 I could not force my wide-awake self to lie in bed any longer.


There is not a lot that can distract me at the moment. I am feeling honestly and truly sad right now. Even though I have only been his nanny for three and a half months, the lil guy is basically my best friend. I love spending time with him. I love finding things I think he would enjoy doing. I love playing games with him. I love feeding him vitamins. The most mundane tasks are always better when I am with my lil guy.


When I first began this job, the old nanny, Tressa, got really teary the last day. She said that she didn't realize she would miss him this much. I patted her arm in a consoling manner and thought to myself, "Well this is weird." At that point, if I'm being honest, I didn't see anything that special about the lil guy. He was just another kid and I was babysitting him for the next four or so months. And for awhile, this was how I felt.


I hated mornings, because he would always cry when I would come out because he knew I was taking him away from his parents. I vowed we would never visit a Smithsonian because I was terrified of the metro, of getting lost, and (my pride kicked in) of looking too "tourist-y." I was constantly exhausted, and the first few weeks I went to bed before eight every night. Walks seemed to take forever, and minutes felt like years. My feet always hurt, and the moment we stepped back in the house I raced to my pig slippers to provide them some sort of relief. Nap time was the best time of the day. I hated Gymboree, because that meant that I had to use the metro at least once a week. We were constantly at the zoo, because that was the one place I knew and the lil guy could spend forever there. I was dead-set on spending all day, every day at the zoo and this one park.


I honestly had no idea of what to do with this child. I didn't know how to have a conversation with a 21 month old who didn't know any other words besides "bus" and "yes," so I began to teach the lil guy words. One of our favorite places to watch the buses had all these stairs, so I began holding his hand, and we would walk up and down, and every single time we went up I would say, "up!" and every single stair we went down, I would say, "down!" One of the best days was when the lil guy began to say them with me.


And I think that is when it all came together for me. The lil guy would still cry in the mornings, but I knew he would stop as soon as we got to the elevator. I loved our walks, and would always be surprised when I would check my clock and see that we had been out for over an hour. We would play games and he liked when I read to him. I met other nannies and made friends. The lil guy would smile and laugh and say new words. I began to miss my lil guy over the weekends and would constantly talk about him. Sometimes even nap time would seem like too long and I would want him to wake up so we could go have more fun. And then one day, I was ready to brave the Smithsonians.


The night before we went out and the morning of I studied the metro map and then Google maps collectively for at least three hours. Now I know how to get to the Air and Space Museum, the Museum of Natural History, and the American History Museum. I understand better how to use the street signs to help me. I love the metro system.


Most of all, I love my lil guy. I didn't think I would get so attached, but he has taken over a permanent spot of my heart. He is such a wonderful, smart, sweet, clever, funny kid. He has the prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen, and the funniest expressions.


I remember one time I was taking him home from a doctor appointment and it was raining a bit. I had his dumb stroller, so there was no covering and I myself was just wearing a hoodie for protection. The lil guy peevishly pointed to his wet hair and I, not wanting the lil guy to get upset because he was getting rained on, said with as much energy as I could muster, "Look, lil guy! Rain is coming down! Isn't it fun to walk in the rain?!" My enthusiasm was met with a bewildered stare. He clearly thought I was short a few when I began belting, "If allll the raindrops were gooey gumps and gumdrops oh what a world this would be! Standing outside with my mouth open wide going AH-AH-oh-AH-AH-oh-AH-AH-oh-AH!"


Another time I decided we were going to go on this wooded trail in the back of our apartment. I excitedly talked about all the squirrels and trees and birds we would see as I zipped up his jacket and made sure he had on his closed-toe shoes. When we arrived at the head of the trail, the lil guy looked at it, and then looked up at me with a face that clearly said, "You're nuts, Nicole. Why would you ever want to go in there?" Oh but we were going. "Come on lil guy! There are stairs!" I exclaimed joyfully. That was enough to convince him for a very short while. A very very short while. In a manner of minutes I was carrying him determinedly onward, but I was not Super Nanny at this time and my muscles gave out when we were only a couple hundred feet (and one big hill) in. We could still see the head of the trail, a fact that delighted the lil guy as much as it saddened me.


I love my lil guy. He has taught me so much. He is patient and sweet and the best sharer and cute as a button and kind. I would be the happiest girl in the world if my future children were like him. I plan on naming one of my sons after him, just like how my mom named Sarah after the Sara she nannied for.


I came into this job with the firm belief that four months was not enough time to get attached. I was sure that my last day would be a huge relief for me. The initial appeal of this job was that I would be living in DC, something I had always wanted to do.


That was it. I never expected to make nanny friends, in fact I didn't want to at first. I never expected to love my job and look forward to Monday. I never saw myself thinking about what the baby would want- I always thought it would be about what I felt up to. In a way, it is, but I am more willing to go out of my comfort zone for the lil guy than for anyone else, and by a huge margin. I am constantly looking out for things that I think he would love and preparing to go out and do it. I never thought that I could feel so protective over a child who was not my own or not a member of my family. The other nannies bewildered me. They were always playing with their kids and giving them hugs and kisses and looking like they were having the time of their lives. I never thought I would love my lil guy. I wasn't even sure if I would remotely like him.


Everything about this experience has been different from what I expected. I didn't think I would get this job, but I got it. I didn't think I would like living in a city, but I love it. I didn't think nap time could ever be too long, but sometimes it is. I didn't think I would ever just know off the top of my head how to get places, but I do. I didn't think I would be good enough at the metro to give people directions, but I am. I didn't think my suite would ever feel like home, but it does.


And finally, I didn't think I could ever feel so much love and concern for the lil guy. Not in the remotest sense. But I do, and in 21 days I will be sadder than I am today, because December 2, 2011, is my last day of work.

And I have the best job in the world.