English Rant

So today I was sitting in my English class and we got a lovely surprise. A timed writing assignment!

So I was sitting there thinking about how I was going to write how the author uses literary devices to help the audience identify the character of Mr. Allright and Mrs. Wellington (not the right names but whatevs), when it hit me.

Why the heck do I care what literary devices the author uses? No, this is not the first time I have come to this question, but every time I ask it I get the answer that it will help me in college and I have always taken that as a good answer. How naive of me.

Well, since I had no idea what literary devices are, I decided that I could spare a few minutes for productive thought. So I went back to the why question. Why does it matter what literary devices the author uses? Because it will help me in college. My brain had still not stumbled upon the elusive meaning of literary devices so I allowed myself to continue thinking.

What will I use it for after college? Well if I become an English teacher (which is never, ever happening bytheway) I will use it. When else? What if I don't become an English teacher?

.......

Oh.

My.

Gosh.

I won't need it.

How weird.

You could say that this goes for any subject, but you would be wrong. You need math to do simple things like taxes and grocery shopping. You need science. You need it to have your tv, your car, your warm air in the winter. History you need because it is important to not be stupid. History repeats itself, that is such a legit saying.

Core classes in grades 9-12 are English, Math, Science, and History. Strangely enough, out of those four, English is the only one that has four required credits.

As I was pondering this I got more and more annoyed. Really now, in the end who is going to know how to defuse a bomb? A person who has studied the SCIENCE of defusing bombs or the person who had read oh I don't know....Virgina Woolf? If you can't answer that question without a moments hesitation I think its pretty safe to say that you are an English teacher.

Here's another one....

I'm a doctor in a lab and I'm studying the cells of a patient with a strange disease. I turn to my lab partner and realize that she is reading The Scarlet Letter. Well thank goodness! We are just set to get this patient cured.

Not. That book will never be of use unless I'm looking for a headache.

Alright so it might seem like I hate English. I don't. I just hate useless things. Literary devices and crap like that have no value in my life. I could care less about them. I love reading and writing (haha obviously) and being literate will help me in my life. I'll need to read the signs on the road and books when I'm bored. But tell me please how literary devices and prose essays will even smell of use beyond my English classroom.

So as I was thinking about this I remembered the opening scene of The Gods Must be Crazy and the narrator is talking about how humans keep getting more and more complicated and as a result, children have to go to school for long hours and learn everything in order to have a prayer of making it out in the "real world."

That is so true! And I started pondering the origins of things like English and Math. Math is useful. In ancient times people needed it to figure out money amounts and the number of cows they owned. English is the common language that people used to communicate. So why the heck did it all become so complicated? Where did the human race go wrong? Well here's my theory....

Once upon a time, a powerful king was in his Palace when his four kids came home from school. The king had a headache, and when his children all began telling him about their day at the same time, the king felt like his head would explode.

"ENOUGH!" he shouted. He turned to his counselor. "Bernard, I need some more me-time. Send these kids back to school."

"But your Highness!" Bernard squeaked nervously. "School is over. They can't go back till tomorrow."

"I don't care if school is out!" the king growled. "Send. Them. Back."

"But-"

"I don't care what you teach them!" The king roared. "Just make it as complicated and useless and time-consuming as possible."

"Right away, your Majesty."

And so Bernard brought the princes and princesses to the evil Yraretil, who lived in a cave and had rotting teeth and disgusting breath.

"Something useless and time consuming, eh?" Yraretil smacked his lips and grinned evilly. "I have just the thing...."

One year later the king looked up from his throne to see his four children stumble into the Palace. They were dirty and tired-looking. "Where ever have you been?" the king exclaimed anxiously. "It's been what, a week?" (he had never paid attention in math class). The princes and princesses all burst into explanations, and the king felt his headache returning. "Bernard!"

Bernard dutifully entered the room and almost fainted with shock at the sight of the princes and princesses before him. "Ye-yess, your Excellency?"

"I want them to go back to Yraretil. He did a very good job." Bernard paled, but he nodded and began leading the children from the room. "Bernard!" Bernard turned back to face the king.

"Yes, your Grace?"

"Send all the children to Yraretil!" The king could not stop the grin from taking over his face. "Everyone deserves a break."

"Everyone but the children and me." Bernard muttered darkly.

"What was that?" The king asked absently.

Bernard straightened. "Nothing, your Regality. I will go make the proclamation immediately."

And so from that day onward children were expected to learn Yarertil's teachings. And no one lived happily ever after.

The End

And there you have it.

Romantics

There is a class of humans called "Romantics." These are people who see hearts around everything. They think the smallest gesture means true love. They believe in love at first sight, last sight, hindsight, whatever. Everything has to mean love! Why ever would it not?

Well come with me to a place called reality and I'll tell you why not.

Love is not hiding behind every leaf on the sidewalk. Sometimes people just don't like other people. Sometimes there are stupid boys and girls reserve the right to not like them. Sometimes it's the other way around.

Here is a perfect example of what I am saying...

Susie is in astrology class with Michael. Michael is very smart, and he loves to throw that into Susie's face. He is always saying snide remarks about Susie's low As and Bs. Susie cannot STAND Michael. He is rude, self-centered, and unkind. But he is cute. Susie goes to her best friend Sally and rants about Michael....

Here is what Susie says: "Ugh I just can't stand Michael!"

Here is what a Romanticist hears: "Ohhh my gosh I am so in love with Michael!"

Here is what Susie says: "He is so full of himself. I can hardly stand to be around him."

Here is what a Romanticist hears: "And his eyes have the most dazzling green flecks in them!"

Here is what Susie says: "I think I will vomit if he speaks again."

Here is what a Romanticist hears: "Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling!"

Susie's friend Sally automatically assumes that because Michael is cute, Susie is just complaining about him because she likes him.

Well that's dumb.

Why, praytell, would Susie like Michael? Because he doesn't quite look like the twin of an ape? Very good. Except for not.

Simple answer is that she doesn't. Michael is stupid and not worth her time. He's mean. And since when does being mean translate to "I like you"? There is an extreemly popular misconception that goes as follows: If someone is mean to you, they like you.

How about we have a standing ovation for the dumbest theory EVER. That is the biggest piece of crap I have ever heard. It's an excuse only available to kindergardeners and Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice.

So sorry, but I'm right.

Personalities

Today I was pondering a certain acquaintance of mine and I was thinking about how all these girls are in love with him and I was wondering why that was? And then I realized that it was because he flirts all the freaken time. And I was like, well what a stupid boy because here are my poor friends and they all like him and he just flirts with all of them and so theyre all confused and like, well who does he like?

And then I thought, well that's not really his fault. It's just his way. It's his personality to be flirtatious. And then I was like, hold up.

How much can I excuse a person based on their personality? Someone who just flirts their way through life is still hurting a lot of girls, personality fault or no. It kinda like if someone breaks your foot and you feel sad and then your friends says, well it's just their personality to be mean. I would be like personality my foot. My broken foot.

So anyway, I decided that this boy is not to be excused. But then I was like, wait. He is really cute. Maybe he's not really flirting, but since he adds a smile to everything he says and people pass it off as flirting.

But wait. He does flirt. But does he know that he's doing it? Yeah I think he does. But he gets away with it because he just has an insane amount of charisma and charm and he's attractive.

But what's to get away with? What's wrong with flirting? Well I don't know. I just am ranting about this because it bothers me how all my friends are going crazy over this dumb boy.

Oh heyy Kelly :)

Hey Kelly!! :) This one is for you....

Kelly!

I do this in blue because blue is such a mutual color. You could wear jeans with just about anything. This is like Kelly. Kelly is mellow and she doesn't get involved in drama and she is just sweet. Kelly is one of my role-models because of this attitude of hers.

Kelly is very beautiful. The other day in the Band Room during lunch, one of my best friends Seul cut my bangs and someone said I looked like Kelly from the side and I fainted with happiness. Also when I was a freshman and Kelly was a senior people would mix us up and it was very flattering

She is so funny seriously, I laugh allll the time when I'm around her. She does the most HILARIOUS imitations of Dad and she says the funniest things. I love watching movies with her and going places with her.

She likes to do things with me One time I was like, Kelly, wanna go to the mall and try on dresses? And she was like, sure! So we went to the mall and tried on tons of dresses and took pictures. I felt very impulsive :) And I had a ton of fun

She is one of my best friends. Kelly is one of the best friends you could ask for. She is unselfish, caring, nice, and willing to go the extra mile for you. Kelly is always there for me, and that is something I love. She is always telling me how pretty I am or how funny she finds me. It is so nice to hear those things.

Kelly loves me. One time a certain person who I shall call Happy wrote something very very mean on my wall wherein she called me a series of hurtful things, insulted my intelligence, and then tried to come off like a rose. I love this story only because immediately after it happened Kelly texted me and asked if I knew what Happy had written and was I ok? I had not seen what she had written, but when I did I was very sad. Kelly enlisted the help of her friends and they all wrote wonderful, nice, sweet, thoughtful things on my wall and it really is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

Sooo there's a ton more I could say, but I'm writing this during aiding and class is almost over sooo.... yap! ybab!


And that is why I love Kelly <3

Aidingg

I love aiding. Second Period every day Ketty and I aide for Concert Band and it is slightly fabulous (I really do mean the slightly. Sometimes it can be a real pain). Here is what we do every day..

~ Whatever Dubbs tells us

~ Nicole make-up time!

Ketty comes with me and we sit in front of a mirror and do my make-up. It's so cute because Ketty doesn't wear make-up because she is one of those lucky girls who doesn't need it and she thinks its cool to watch and it always makes me feel special :)

~ Change of outfit?

Maybe. Sometimes I'll bring in a different shirt and I'll change. Ketty will critique my outfit (she is always nice) and I am ready to go

~ Toast Time

Sometimes I'll bring in toast that I didn't eat for breakfast that morning and we'll warm it up in the Music Department Office and eat it. Yum!

~ Homework Catch-up

Mostly English. Big piece of crap ugh.

So there's aiding for you. It's a new adventure every day!!

Yeah no.

I need to vent.

So sometimes a certain person in my family goes on a major need-to-feel-the-power spaz attack and they block youtube, facebook, and lots of other websites, take my phone, ground me, ban my brothers from video gaming.... I could go on, but thats not the point of this post.

That certain person is on one of those right now and so facebook and youtube are blocked and my phone has been taken since like, the 2nd week of school.

How do I feel about this? Annoyed. Quite frankly it's annoying to see all over the place how much you're not trusted to use self-control. Plus, I am also angry. Without my phone, I have no ones number and I can't text. Without facebook I can't talk to people either. This can be a problem for things like group projects or assignments that I don't really get and need help on.

Now I'm not gonna lie and say that I only use my phone and facebook for schoolwork. I am a teenager. I love socializing. I love hearing that hottie Enrique Iglesias or Ne-yo sing to me when I get a new text. I love signing onto facebook and seeing all my notifications. I love getting inboxes about SEN10R stuff. Whenever I pull an all-nighter (something that, sadly, I do far too often these days) I love knowing that the 53 other people on facebook chat are in the same boat as me. So yeah, I love facebook and my phone and the fact that I can socialize and talk to my friends outside of school or church.

And it annoys me how much of a crime that seems to certain people.

Listen, I can be the best student ever. I will do all my homework, I will read the entire textbook chapter, I will take detailed, color-coded notes, I will ace the test. But to do all that I need to be motivated.

I am motivated by college. I want to go to BYU. Being a good student is insanely important if you want to get in. I am motivated by the good feeling I get when I have finished everything and have done it right. I am motivated by my friends. I am motivated by the idea of success. I am motivated by a lot of things.

However, when someone tries to force me into something; anything from buying a certain product to studying to smiling, that motivation from the want to get into BYU or whatever else gets cancelled out. If someone tries to back me into a corner and offer their idea as the only way out I will never take that idea. I refuse to be pushed around. It doesn't matter if you're right or if you're wrong. It just matters that you approached the situation in an ignorant, forceful way and I might've listened to you once upon a time but you had to go all dictator on me and until you can fix that you've lost your chance for ever getting anything from me.

I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. I'm not a five-year old who needs you to hold my hand and walk with me step-by-step all the way through. I happen to be over 3 times that age and I have a fairly sensible mind that wouldn't say no to the opportunity to make its own choices. And it might come as a surprise to some that the decisions I make are good, smart ones. Again, I am capable.

So I sound unbelievably bratty right now, but I'm not a brat. My best friend Julia calls me stubborn, and I've always hated that word. But all the same, I am stubborn.

I've noticed certain patterns in my behavior. When someone tries to force me into agreeing with them or doing something that I don't want to do I purposefully stop doing all the things that they want me to do. I can truthfully say that in the past few months whenever my phone is taken I do not rush to do my homework or seminary make-up work. I sit there and while away my time doing anything but those things because I do not want to send the message that that is in any way going to work. Or I do the things required and then I wait. I won't tell you that I'm done, I wait until you are driven by your curiosity to ask.

It doesn't help me and it certainly doesn't help you, so congrats on helping me waste five weeks of both yours and my life.

So I miss my phone and I want it back, but not more than I want to see you squirm and get frustrated with my lack of effort despite your best attempts at forcing me to do what you want.

Two can play this game. You have something I want (my phone, etc.) and I have something you want (the work completed). So I can dangle the possibilities in front of your face too and don't think I won't.

I am a smart girl. If I know I need to ace a test or I need to go to seminary or whatever I will do it. I don't need extra motivation. At all.

Especially not the stupid kind of "motivation" that involves you taking things from me. That just makes me mad and not open to listening to you and your ideas at all. They aren't important to me. I will go temporarily deaf until you stop and listen to me first.

This may sound like I'm one of those people who are firmly in the mindset that I'm right, I've always been right and no, you're wrong. Well I'm not.

My experiences with people like that have made me more determined than ever to listen and have an open mind. I love hearing sides of arguments. I think it's interesting psychology how two people can see the same situation so differently. So yeah, I listen and my opinions are subject to change. I am willing to admit when I'm wrong. I know that everyone is wrong at some point. And I'll apologize if I've done something wrong.

But as soon as you whip out the whole I can take your phone or I'm in this class so I would know or whatever card you want to use in order to force me into agreement, my open mind has become shut and airtight, and nothing you say or do will change my conviction that you are wrong,

wrong

wrong.

Even if you are right.

Because the best points are those made through simple, irrefutable evidence. Not blackmail.

Note: This is not talking about any specific person. It's in general. However it was prompted by the actions of a certain individual.

Bytheway, this post is Exhibit A of what I'm talking about. This time around I was supposed to be doing homework. I was all ready to go, and was having difficulty with an english assignment so I signed onto facebook to talk to my fellow APers who I know are up doing the same thing. And it was blocked almost immediately after I signed on. So, supposedly the blockage of facebook and youtube is going to make me work faster and more efficiently, but actually I prolly would've been done with english and anatomy right now if I hadn't decided to write this. So congratulations to all parties involved. You are all winners in a losing game.