Thursday, October 1, 2009

Yeah no.

I need to vent.

So sometimes a certain person in my family goes on a major need-to-feel-the-power spaz attack and they block youtube, facebook, and lots of other websites, take my phone, ground me, ban my brothers from video gaming.... I could go on, but thats not the point of this post.

That certain person is on one of those right now and so facebook and youtube are blocked and my phone has been taken since like, the 2nd week of school.

How do I feel about this? Annoyed. Quite frankly it's annoying to see all over the place how much you're not trusted to use self-control. Plus, I am also angry. Without my phone, I have no ones number and I can't text. Without facebook I can't talk to people either. This can be a problem for things like group projects or assignments that I don't really get and need help on.

Now I'm not gonna lie and say that I only use my phone and facebook for schoolwork. I am a teenager. I love socializing. I love hearing that hottie Enrique Iglesias or Ne-yo sing to me when I get a new text. I love signing onto facebook and seeing all my notifications. I love getting inboxes about SEN10R stuff. Whenever I pull an all-nighter (something that, sadly, I do far too often these days) I love knowing that the 53 other people on facebook chat are in the same boat as me. So yeah, I love facebook and my phone and the fact that I can socialize and talk to my friends outside of school or church.

And it annoys me how much of a crime that seems to certain people.

Listen, I can be the best student ever. I will do all my homework, I will read the entire textbook chapter, I will take detailed, color-coded notes, I will ace the test. But to do all that I need to be motivated.

I am motivated by college. I want to go to BYU. Being a good student is insanely important if you want to get in. I am motivated by the good feeling I get when I have finished everything and have done it right. I am motivated by my friends. I am motivated by the idea of success. I am motivated by a lot of things.

However, when someone tries to force me into something; anything from buying a certain product to studying to smiling, that motivation from the want to get into BYU or whatever else gets cancelled out. If someone tries to back me into a corner and offer their idea as the only way out I will never take that idea. I refuse to be pushed around. It doesn't matter if you're right or if you're wrong. It just matters that you approached the situation in an ignorant, forceful way and I might've listened to you once upon a time but you had to go all dictator on me and until you can fix that you've lost your chance for ever getting anything from me.

I am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. I'm not a five-year old who needs you to hold my hand and walk with me step-by-step all the way through. I happen to be over 3 times that age and I have a fairly sensible mind that wouldn't say no to the opportunity to make its own choices. And it might come as a surprise to some that the decisions I make are good, smart ones. Again, I am capable.

So I sound unbelievably bratty right now, but I'm not a brat. My best friend Julia calls me stubborn, and I've always hated that word. But all the same, I am stubborn.

I've noticed certain patterns in my behavior. When someone tries to force me into agreeing with them or doing something that I don't want to do I purposefully stop doing all the things that they want me to do. I can truthfully say that in the past few months whenever my phone is taken I do not rush to do my homework or seminary make-up work. I sit there and while away my time doing anything but those things because I do not want to send the message that that is in any way going to work. Or I do the things required and then I wait. I won't tell you that I'm done, I wait until you are driven by your curiosity to ask.

It doesn't help me and it certainly doesn't help you, so congrats on helping me waste five weeks of both yours and my life.

So I miss my phone and I want it back, but not more than I want to see you squirm and get frustrated with my lack of effort despite your best attempts at forcing me to do what you want.

Two can play this game. You have something I want (my phone, etc.) and I have something you want (the work completed). So I can dangle the possibilities in front of your face too and don't think I won't.

I am a smart girl. If I know I need to ace a test or I need to go to seminary or whatever I will do it. I don't need extra motivation. At all.

Especially not the stupid kind of "motivation" that involves you taking things from me. That just makes me mad and not open to listening to you and your ideas at all. They aren't important to me. I will go temporarily deaf until you stop and listen to me first.

This may sound like I'm one of those people who are firmly in the mindset that I'm right, I've always been right and no, you're wrong. Well I'm not.

My experiences with people like that have made me more determined than ever to listen and have an open mind. I love hearing sides of arguments. I think it's interesting psychology how two people can see the same situation so differently. So yeah, I listen and my opinions are subject to change. I am willing to admit when I'm wrong. I know that everyone is wrong at some point. And I'll apologize if I've done something wrong.

But as soon as you whip out the whole I can take your phone or I'm in this class so I would know or whatever card you want to use in order to force me into agreement, my open mind has become shut and airtight, and nothing you say or do will change my conviction that you are wrong,



Even if you are right.

Because the best points are those made through simple, irrefutable evidence. Not blackmail.

Note: This is not talking about any specific person. It's in general. However it was prompted by the actions of a certain individual.

Bytheway, this post is Exhibit A of what I'm talking about. This time around I was supposed to be doing homework. I was all ready to go, and was having difficulty with an english assignment so I signed onto facebook to talk to my fellow APers who I know are up doing the same thing. And it was blocked almost immediately after I signed on. So, supposedly the blockage of facebook and youtube is going to make me work faster and more efficiently, but actually I prolly would've been done with english and anatomy right now if I hadn't decided to write this. So congratulations to all parties involved. You are all winners in a losing game.

No comments:

Post a Comment