Wednesday, August 1, 2012

What we want vs what we need

This time last year I had just gotten home from school. It had been literally the worst four months of my life. I was the most miserable person. I was at my lowest in every single aspect of my life. I was so happy to be home, and now that I was here I kind-of just wanted to curl up in a ball and die. Sad, huh?

But then something happened that changed my life. I was offered a nanny position in DC.

At first I didn't even want to take the job. I had applied not really thinking of anything but making my father happy that I was being kind-of productive. So when I aced the interviews and M asked if I would take the job, I was honestly quite shocked. I heard myself saying, "of course! I would love to! Thank you so much!"

I felt my heart squeeze and my stomach drop as I hung up the phone. I guess I had a job? And I guess I wouldn't be living with my family anymore during the week? And I guess I suddenly loved kids? And I guess I would have to finally learn the metro system?

I panicked a little. What in the world had I just done?! I didn't want this! I wanted to be home! That was all that I wanted- to live at home and have a home-cooked meal every night and hang out with Julie and Gina and my family all the time and drive around in my car. And I had literally just taken that away from myself in the course of three interviews and a few email exchanges. What was WRONG with me?!

I seriously considered calling M back and being like, "nevermind jk I don't want it thanks though bye!" but I didn't, because I really needed the money, because I was in the negatives in my bank account.


You can read all about how much I loved my job and how the lil guy became my best friend and how well I adjusted to city life and how now all I want to do is live in DC and blahblah (they actually are pretty good posts, so go on! read up, buttercup!). Continuing on....

I made a goal at the beginning of my off-track last year. It was that I would "get a good job that I enjoy and will make me a better person." That job more than fulfilled those requirements. Those were literally the happiest four months of my life. That job was, in every way, ex-actly what I needed. And I think that's the point.

I was talking to Heather the other day and she said that in life, we don't always get what we want, we get what we need.

She is so smart! Last year, I wasn't getting anything that I wanted it seemed. I came home and my room was taken over by my little sister, my car wouldn't work, I wasn't going to be living at home the majority of the time, I was taking up a childcare position in a city that I was scared of, and basically it was all just a big mess in my head.

But for some reason (God being really nice to me), that odd series of what seemed like very unfortunate events combined together and spat out the perfect storm. I didn't even remotely want any of those things, but they turned out to be exactly what I needed.

And I hope that that will happen this year, too.

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