Fears

So today I was in Mads and we had sectionals and it was just Heather, Holly, Ashley, and Liz because the other girls weren't there. So it was a really good sectional :) But something happened....

I was singing and Liz kept looking at me and saying patiently, "watch the tone girls."

Ok disclaimer: I have the worst tone ever. I'm serious. I just do not have good tone. DK calls me out allll the time about it. He says that the reason for this is because I have a more "pop-y" voice. He says it's not a bad thing, but for certain songs I need to work on it.

So I guess my tone was super bad today because Liz kept saying that. I know she wasn't trying to be mean to me or anything. That's the last thing Liz would do. But it kinda hurt my feelings all the same. I really was trying, but it just didn't work. So then someone suggests that I pretend to be singing opera and I thought, "Oh you really don't want me to do that."

You see, I have an alter-ego. Her name is Ecoli Emishi. Ecoli Emishi came to be when I first began the Nancy Drew Mystery story hour with my Mom. I decided that, as interesting as Nancy, Bess, and George are, constant reading about them can get boring. Enter Ecoli Emishi! Famous opera star and between-chapters entertainment. These days Ecoli hardly ever makes an appearance because she is simply too famous for that, but sometimes she drops by and it is such a treat!

So when I finally got up the courage to take their advice and sing opera, my ears were met with laughter. I was very embarrassed and wished that I hadn't done it, and Heather must've seen that because she quickly said, "Nicole it was good! Just totally unexpected."

And Liz said, "Yeah just tone it down a bit because we're supposed to be mezzo-piano not mezzo-forte." So I toned it down, but the entire rest of the sectional I was worried.

I worried that the other girls thought I sounded stupid, or that they were all saying to themselves, "Nicole never should've made it into Madrigals. She can't even get good tone without having to go all opera." But as I stood there and looked around, I realized that I was not the only one worrying about something.

Holly was singing quietly, quieter than usual. We have similar voices, perhaps she worried her tone was bad, too? Or maybe she was afraid of doing the wrong notes. But everyone makes mistakes, and its not like the mean one in our section was there who would sooner stab herself than give a compliment and rejoices in handing out criticism. So Holly did not need to worry. Plus, we were just learning the music, so it wasn't anything bad if she didn't know it. But still Holly worried.

Liz was really determined for us to learn everything. Perhaps she worried that the sopranos would be better than us? This is a silly notion. The end. But still Liz worried.

Heather was worried that we thought she was being really bossy and mean because she kept having to call our attention back to the music because let's face it, we all like each other and we wanted to socialize. Heather was taking charge because we wanted her to. Heather is very talented and helpful when learning music, and she is nice and willing to allow short moments for chatter and will always go over complicated parts with us. We love having Heather help us. But still Heather worried.

I dunno what Ashley was worried about. Maybe nothing, but I doubt it.

I think we all worry about something at any given time. Maybe its something as simple as will the last yogurt still be there? Will I be late? What did I get on that test? Sometimes its complicated, like with pregnancies and illnesses and college. Whatever the worry is, I'm sure everyone has one.

We worry that everyone is talking about our embarrassing fall, our pimple, our bad grade. But think about it. If everyone is worrying about themselves, no one is worrying about anyone else. So really, you're off the hook. I dunno, maybe I'm wrong, but perhaps we shouldn't worry so much.