Thursday, March 31, 2011

Eighteen, Clueless, and Baby-Hungry

So. I go to school at BYU-I, frequently called BYU-I DO.



So I'm a normal Mormon girl in that I lovee Singles Ward and The R.M. and Sons of Provo and all those other hilarious Mormon movies, and in Singles Ward there's this scene where they're all at family night at the Bishop's house, and at the end this guy stands up and he's like,

"Let me reiterate what Brigham Young said: if you're 25 years old and unmarried, you're a menace to society. Just something for everybody to ponder."

I have always thought that that was so funny. I would laugh and shake my head and be like, "Ohh those crazy Utah Mormons." Growing up in Maryland (which is anything but Utah) I never thought I would hear something like this when I got to college. Ever.

....I have been proven wrong twice in the past two weeks.

Two Sundays ago I was sitting in Sacrament Meeting. Mine starts at 9:30, so I'm obviously asleep and not prepared to deal with any craziness. We had the High Counsel speaker there and he got up to talk and somehow he ended up going off on this tangent on dating. He told us, on no uncertain terms, that we had better be dating, and a lot. He told the boys to be gentlemen and the girls to let them. Everyone was avoiding eye contact and looking studiously at their hair or nails. It was awkward. I felt like if I made eye contact with anyone I would have to marry them. It was a real intense talk.

After that I felt like I had reached my awkward church talk quota for at least the next year, but it was not to be. This Sunday I wanted to sleep in, so I ended up going to Michelle's ward which starts at 1pm. They have RelSoc first, then Sunday School and then Sacrament Meeting. So today was this special day in their ward because they were getting a new bishopric, and the old bishopric had the opportunity to give parting words of wisdom.

The old Bishop's talk started out innocently enough. He talked about our reaction to the little kids who were in attendance that day (the families of the departing and arriving bishoprics). He was like, "You all were adoring those children when they came in. They make this meeting Celestial." And we were all nodding like oh yes they are wonderful how great, totally unprepared for the next word that was to echo through the chapel. He paused, looked at us piercingly, and said,


My head jerked up. Excuse me- What?

"Procreation." He repeated, his tone unapologetic and devastatingly firm. I glanced uneasily at Michelle. What the crap ward was this? As he opened his mouth again I knew there was no getting out of it, we were going to have this talk.

He went on to say how special it is, and how beautiful, and all those other words that you absolutely do not want to hear coming out of your bishop's mouth in association with "procreation." My mind was made up. I was never going to Michelle's ward again.

He asked us where we wanted to be in three years? Do we want to be in a Singles Ward?


The word thundered through the chapel as he glared down at us, daring anyone to disagree. We shifted uncomfortably in our seats.

"Where do you want to be in three years?" He demanded again. I wanted to get up and be like, "Bishop, I want to be procreating in three years." But I didn't.

Ok guys, here's what's up; I don't want to be married in three years. The soonest I want to be married is four years, when I am 22. But really, I wanna be 26 when I get married, so that gives me 8 years, 8 years that I have firm plans for. In those eight years I am going to finish college, teach English to kids in Russia (Jan-June of 2013!!) with Julie, work at Disney World, work at a bank (maybe), work in DC, be mentors for the ILP Program with Julie, go on a roadtrip with Gina (I don't know where we'll go, it just sounds like fun), adopt a sweet lil puppy, be a Game Warden in Kenya, and just play play play! Oh, and date Prince Harry. So.

I know this sounds kinda dumb to some people, but I don't want to be married when I do these things, except for the puppy one. And Kenya of course, but not at first. I will have eternity with my husband- he can wait eight years.

My first semester at BYU-I my roommate informed us that she wanted to be married, and now. She was a second semester freshman, and 18 years old. Did she care that she was in high school less than a year ago? No. Did it bother her that she had just barely obtained her license and right to vote? Not a bit. Was she okay with being a stereotype? Ohhh yes. She wanted marriage and children right here right now. So line up prospective spouses.

I will be the first to admit that I am wayyy too immature to even think about getting married right now. I'm still such a kid. I need to grow up a lot first. So to those girls who want to be married yesterday, well have at it. Ennnjoy.

Now please take a moment to watch this hilarious ridiculousness which inspired this post's title....

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