Once upon a time there was a chipmunk named Vaila. Vaila was happy! She had many wonderful friends and a fantastic family. Her underground home was one of the finest in Chipmunkia, and there was always berries and nuts galore. Life was good.
However, there was one thing that bothered her more than anything in the world. Vaila hated hypocrites.
One chipmunk in particular rubbed her in the complete wrong way. He angered her so much that every time she thought about it she felt like throwing up (which her parents and teachers encouraged, because one day she would have to regurgitate food for her kids and it was good to practice). This chipmunk's name was Randy.
Randy was a good chipmunk, don't get me wrong. It wasn't that about him that bothered her. Vaila thought good boys were just that, good. But the thing about Randy was that he knew he was good, and, as her best friend Paula put it, "we need a head deflator over here ASAP."
Vaila tried to simply ignore Randy, but that was kinda hard given the fact that she had to see him every Leaf and Walnut (in human terms, every Tuesday and Friday). Much as she tried to avoid him, it was not entirely possible. So Vaila had tried to be Randy's friend. But he mistook her kindness for infatuation and quickly shut that operation down. But not even that angered her more than the day that Randy gave Sylvia the cactus.
When a boy gave a girl a small cactus it meant that he liked her. Randy was mean mean mean to the girl chipmunks in the neighborhood and no one honestly expected him to give a cactus until after he had made his own hole in a different town. In fact, Randy publicly said many times that he would never give a cactus to anyone until he had moved out of Chipmunkia.
Which was why it was so very shocking when everyone found out that Sylvia had received a cactus from Randy!
There was whisperings about it everywhere. Chipmunkia was nothing less than stunned.
But then Randy decided he didn't like Sylvia and he moved on to handing out cacti to every girl chipmunk that crossed his path outside of Chipmunkia.
It was a scandal.
The girls in Chipmunkia could not help but feel slightly insulted. They had, after all, been there the whole time and they were fun, pretty chipmunks but Randy had never so much as said a nice cheep to them ever. What was so great about these foreign chips(munks)??
But that was not what made Vaila mad. Despite the obvious breaking of his own rule, Randy continued to walk around as if he had his own hole and it was full of walnuts. There was no change to the regular lectures he graced them with about the dangers of the giving out of cacti before you had your own hole. No change to his self-righteous attitude. It infuriated Vaila.
"He thinks he is such a squirrel." Vaila vented to Paula one day. "He thinks that he's so much better than everyone else."
Paula nodded sympathetically. She knew she would be there for awhile.
"It's insane how much of a hypocrite he is." Vaila continued. "Who does he think he is? to talk to us about excessive cactus giving?"
Vaila was silent for a bit, her angry thoughts turning and twisting in her head like an agitated rattlesnake. Paula let out a small sigh of relief and began to get up from the flowerbed in which they were laying. Venting session over.
" I'm surprised there are any cacti left here, the way he gives them out." Vaila continued.
Paula sat down. Not over.
"He hands out those cacti like sugared pecans on Halloween!" Vaila exclaimed. "Halloween only happens once a year. Randy needs to calm the heck down because he thinks that Halloween is EVERY DAY."
Paula nodded. Sometimes Vaila gave very unusual analogies. Here was Exhibit A. But Vaila thought they were immensely clever so Paula would simply nod or offer some well-chosen words of praise. After all, a happy friend was better than a frustrated one.
What a good friend Paula was. :)
Unfortunately this story does not have an ending..yet. But I'll say it anyway.