Friday, January 20, 2012

Brittany is very sought after: Part Two

Today in math class something crazy happened. It was so crazy, that as we were witnessing it, Chelsea leaned over to me and whispered,

"Is this real life?"

I'm lying. Chelsea is not one for subtlety. It's okay. I still love her. But anyway, it was really crazy. This is what we looked like for basically the first 20 minutes of class

Here is what happened. Today as we were walking to class, Chelsea, Heather, and I saw a very attractive black man. He looked like this

We'll call him Seaweed. This really has nothing to do with anything, except for the fact that he is going to be my best friend.

Well, I guess it does have something to do with anything bc he was talking to Captain America,

but I am still willing to be Seaweed's best friend. He deserves more in his bffaeaes than wanna-be homewreckers. Except for the fact that today Captain America sat lonely and dejected at the end of a row. I was like, wow. Wow wow WOW wow. And I feel bad and sad all over for him.

So today Chelsea and I walked into class and we saw our friend Brittany! This is really good, bc she hasn't been to the last TWO classes, so you know that we were sad. We were so sad and bored last class that finally, 20 minutes to the end, we couldn't TAKE IT anymore and we stalked and stalked and stalked that girl until we were victorious.

I am not even kidding, it was the most intense stalking sesh of my life. I feel like I have reached a new level of awesomeness. I felt like a combination of Sherlock Holmes, Nancy Drew, and some awesome CIA agent. Here is how awesome I am. I knew three things about her THREE, and I was able to narrow down all of our search options until we found her exactt address. Chelsea and I are like Batman and Robin. I mean Sherlock and Watson.

And I will address it, bc I know we're all thinking it. How does Watson look sooo good when he has that awful creeper mustache??

So back to today. We walked in and Brittany was sitting there. We greeted her with hugs, laughter, and tears. I am lying. But we weree really happy to see her. Then we expressed our joy at her upcoming reunion with this guy....

....and she told us BAD NEWS. And it is this; Basically Cute Wasian told her friend via fb that he was only interested in beezing friends with Brittany. And then he told her something else. He said that he has a girlfriend! But Brittany says that according to fb that is not so! So he is either lying, or very secretive about his love life. Either way, I am mad. I kneww he was bad news when Brittany told me he was in a band. You know how I feel about those things.

So as we were all setting fire to random objects in our rage, this cute guy came into class! Well, I'm not sure if he's cute bc he's sitting in front of us. Next to Brittany. Because Brittany is very sought after. I'm sure he looks like this

We will call him Scruff, bc he is a MAN and wants everyone to know it, so he didn't shave today. ssk. Remember, he rocks it. He is cute.

So then he saw Brittany and raced over, the wind from his speed putting out our pitiful caveman fires and fanning the flames of fiery passion in Brittany's heart! However, CONFLICT! Cute Wasian walked into the class just as Scruff was halfway to his desired chair! Cute Wasian looked sad. Cute Wasian looked mad! Cute Wasian looked like this

But Cute Wasian had lost. Scruff was in the lead and he sat next to Brittany. He smiled winningly down at her. Brittany smiled back. Cute Wasian was really sad, bc Brittany is very sought after and he had lied. However, he tried to be a good sport and sit next to Scruff.

He looked over and waved friend-ily over at Brittany, trying to communicate to Scruff that he was a big tennis ball stuck in the middle of a love sandwich. Aka, he didn't belong in between him and Brittany. But he's wrong. Scruff does belong there! If he is worthy, and that we have yet to decide. Brittany politely flapped her arm back at Cute Wasian and then focused on what Scruff was saying.

Scruff: Hi. I'm hot.
Brittany: Oh! Hi, you are.
Cute Wasian (Under his breath): He's not that cute. I am sad that I was stupid!
Chelsea and Nicole: Cute Wasian, we wish you had been smarter. At least you are still a little cute, even though you're a tool.

Now back to the budding romance. Scruff gazed into Brittany's eyes, leaned over....and then....shook her hand.

I mean, I guess it's okay. He's prolly just this so-awkward recent RM. He asked her where she was from. She asked him where he was from. I kicked her chair fourish times in my joy that simply could not be expressed in a different way. She tried to casually swat my foot away out of his line of vision. Very sneaky.

They seemed to hit it off. He kept looking over at her. Chelsea and I broke out a package of Disney Princess fruit snacks to celebrate. Huh. It's a wonder I ever get anything done in this math class.

However, all is not well in the land of Stats class. Remember that so-beautiful couple that wouldd have happened had Captain America not intervened and ruined everything?? Yeah. Today the cute boy sat behind her a-gain. He sat next to this blonde girl who was wearing a cute red and white striped shirt. Whatever.

OH MY GOSH! I just looked over at them to find something to criticize about her when I realized that HE is also wearing a blue and red striped shirt! That dorkmobile! He only likes her bc they kind of match! If he was sitting next to the girl that he shouldd be sitting next to they would be the American flag, bc she's only wearing white! And you KNOW that that is better.

I would like to pause and say that this is prolly the spazziest blog post of my life.

And speaking of matching- if Cute Wasian had sat next to Brittany they would have basically been the American flag too. All of these patriotic couples need to get together! For our nation's sake!

So that is why Chelsea said, "Is this real life?" bc all of these crazy things were going down all around us. It's no big deal, math class is very interesting is all.

And Brittany wins, bc she is going on twoo dates this weekend. Because Brittany is very sought after.  Take that, Cute Wasian!

PS: Also, Chelsea and I have these awesome matching green water bottles that we got together and we always make it a point to clink glasses once every two seconds. It's no big deal, but today she forgot hers so we just pretended her hand was her bottle. I guess we might've looked a lil dorky. Whoops.

PPS: We learned something today in math class, and that is that "fun is where you put it."
....thaaatt's what she said.

PPPS: Something mean has bitten me on my arm near my right wrist. I feel angry and betrayed and I don't even know how or where or when it happened.

PPPPS: Today I got a letter! From Elder Nuss! i am so excited :) But there is one big problem- it is in Maryland and you knoww that makes me sad bc I am not! My mommy is sending it over to me and apparently it is very well decorated and he is trying to learn cursive! She says that this is very unlike him, and I agreed, saying solemnly, "the mission is changing him I guess." I hope it changes him to the point that he is a more consistent letter-writer. Few and far between is just bothering me at this point. New Years resolution for him thurr right thurr.

I am also supposed to be getting a package from my family and a letter from Johnny! And I sent a letter to Carlos just today! I am obviously a rock star and everyone knows it.

PPPPPS: I ALMOST FORGOT! So Scruff was trying to send a manly message today right?? Well, he took it a step further. He pulled the Raymond from Aquamarine! As in he stretched all innocently, but really he wanted to communicate to all the boys in the vicinity that he could and would beat them up and to all the girls that he was awesome. And boyyy did we get the message. This is what he looked like,

I couldn't find a picture of him doing the famous stretch thing. This is what we looked like,

because of his utter hottitude. It's whatever.

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